Lo & behold, you get your wish. The smart phone is genuinely smart. But the operator of the smart phone, that is to say, yourself, has forgotten how to figure it out, & needs another kindly human to explain how to manage it.

I wish I could apparate & disapparate, Harry Potter style.

You can apparate and disapparate, but your clothes can't.

I wish I had a driverless car.

You do have a driverless car, but it is propelled by SuperSally, the automated GPS voiceover, who never shuts up, & insists on driving you to places where you don't really want to go, leaving you wishing for a real life proper backseat driver to yell at.

I wish I could have new feet without wonky toes.

You now have new feet- ah, but how to attach them to your body? 'Tis another question entirely!

I wish I could stretch steel.

You can now stretch steel! but only a few inches at a time.

I wish I could understand ancient languages.

...And now you are no longer able to understand or speak any language spoken today.

I wish I could play any instrument like a pro instantly.

Yes you can play any instrument like a pro, but it is only one song per instrument that the complaining neighbours really don't want to hear, so for lack of practice in solitary confinement you'll soon forget which song that was per instrument.

I wish I didn't keep forgetting things.

You can now remember everything but only for 5 minutes.

I wish I enjoyed exercising.

~Wunder

You enjoy exercising now but its at the expense of everything else that you are now neglecting.

I wish I was good at math.

Voilà! You are fantastic at maths, so good that famous mathematics geniuses, such as Newton, Einstein or Stephen Hawking might roll in their graves with envy. Unfortunately, at the same time as you so suddenly become expert there is such a wave of tax agents across the world who also become so fantastic, or better, that nobody is really any better off.

I wish I didn't have to worry about taxes & income.

You no longer have to worry about taxes and income, because money has been abolished and everyone is equally poor.

I wish I could do my day job while I'm sleeping.

Your day job gets done while you're sleeping! Unfortunately it can only be done if you sleep during the day, so you can only be awake at night and never get to see the sun again.

I wish I could fall in love AND have it requited (the first part has happened to me before, just not the second )

You fall in love, it's requited; but only for a short while. For when summer ends so does the romance.

I wish I was in an episode of EastEnders.

Ouch! You really are in an episode of East Enders. Unfortunately, you find out that the episode ends up by everyone in the program, including yourself, having to migrate to Australia, where you all have to take over from the characters in soapies like Home & Away, or worse still, Neighbours......

I wish I could win the lottery for a change.

(Dont think I have seen those.)

Congratulations! you have won the lottery....but you didnt take into account of the others who played and won so its only left you with 200 and that is if there is no tax.

I wish it actually rained cats and dogs.