That's a pretty good distinction between the two. Telling is often when as a reader you are getting the story from the narrator. You are getting an overview of the scene with some description. When you are showing, you as a reader will feel like you are in the scene with the characters.

Here is another distinction.

Telling: Mickey dropped the marshmallow for his smore into the campfire. He reached into the fire, thinking if he was quick enough, he wouldn't burn his hand. As he pulled it out, the marshmallow stuck to his hand, burning it.

Showing:
Mickey: "Oops, there goes my marshmallow."
The marshmallow fell into the outer rim of the campfire. Ten other boys were mounting their marshmallows onto sticks for their smores as the fire burned with enough heat to make the boys turn their backs so they could cool their faces. Mickey stared at the marshmallow, glancing nervously at his buddies, hoping they didn't see his blunder. He pulled back the sleeve of his coat and bent his arm, ready for a quick grab. When no-one else was looking, Mickey shot his hand forward into the fire and grasped the marshmallow in a fraction of a second. He pulled his hand out of the fire, feeling hardly a singe until he saw his hand. The marshmallow continued to burn and melted onto his hand. Mickey screamed as he thrust his hand onto the ground, trying to get the marshmallow off. An adult present saw the incident and poured a water canteen over Mickey's hand, extinguishing the flames. As the group examined the damage, blisters of dead skin covered Mickey's hand, preventing him from clinching a fist.

This is also not a perfect example as I came up with it just now. But a big clue as to whether you are showing in writing is if you feel you are in the scene with the character. If you get a desire to reach out and touch the character or speak with the character, that's a good indication of showing. If you have no attachment to the character at all. If you feel it's just a story and are consciously aware of your surroundings when reading, it's an indication of telling.

I hope that helps.

Fencer's example is great but there are some moments in which Telling is also appropriate. The trick to writing well is knowing when to Show (most of the time) and when to Tell (the rest).

Thanks guys.

There was one specific example I was wondering about. It's an example that, I believe, wisewoman gave, taken from the Twilight series:

Desolation hit me with crippling strength.

She described this sentence as telling, instead of showing. Would anyone be able to elaborate on how this is so, and what would be a better way of wording it?

~Riella

I'm not sure how to change it but the example tells us the emotion Bella is feeling, it doesn't let us experience the emotion for ourselves (not that we'd want to identify with such er... moron like her - ha. The example doesn't give us her body language, dialogue cues or anything else that would help us visualize what she's feeling.

Well, that's true, but I personally don't see a problem with the sentence. It's written in first person: She can't really see what she's doing; she's feeling it. Sometimes emotions come on so quickly (which is what the sentence says to me, not knowing it's context), there are no visual cues. The first sign of anything happening is the emotional onset and Bella would know before anyone else. If she were in conversation with someone else, perhaps in the exchange afterwards she could "show" us how she's feeling. But it might be important for the story to "know" how she's feeling before we "see" how she reacts.

You make an interesting point, Lady Courage, one I hadn't thought of in quite this way.

"Show, don't tell" is a mantra among writers - but by its very nature, the first-person POV limits just how much this can be done - or at least requires that it be done differently than it would be in the third person POV.

It's true that the following text might allow her (in this case) to elaborate, to show us more about this, by describing body language, more of her emotions, etc.

I'm reminded of a post I saw yesterday on the NaNo forums. The point made is that sometimes writers will use the device of a character looking in the mirror to describe himself to the audience. But usually, when you look in the mirror each morning, you don't think, "I'm 5' 6", rather muscular, with blue eyes and blond hair," etc. (A following post did mention certain circumstances where you could do this, in a limited sense).

In a similar way, I think, first person POV forces similar limitations, in how a character tells us about herself.

Or maybe I'm just rambling.

So, instead of just stating "she felt desperate", a better option might be to describe what her desperation felt like? i.e. her precise thoughts, physical details such as sweaty palms or racing heart, etc.?

~Riella

I've been wondering about this, and how to show better as well, with my NaNo book; I haven't been doing a very good job of it, but I think this discussion has given me some new idea's on how to do it. Thanks!

New question.

I like writing books from the perspective of extremely imperfect characters. Many times even from the perspective of the villain of the story. One thing I've noticed, though, is that whenever a main character in a book does something bad, the author is often accused of condoning their actions. I suppose because many people view main characters as what is supposed to be a sort of role model or hero. (For example, many people will call a main character the "hero" of the story almost automatically, whether they actually "save the day" or not).

One way of preventing this is stating in the book that their actions are not good. By having them "learn a lesson" of sorts, or be redeemed, change their lives, see the error of their ways, etc. Another way I've seen people do it is have their story end tragically, to show where such actions lead.

But what if neither of these options fit your story? More importantly -- what if showing how bad their actions are isn't meant to be a major (or even minor) part of the book?

Let's say I have a main character who lies and steals. But their lying and stealing is only added to their character to show realism, or just to show their nature. And the point of the novel is not to show that stealing or lying is bad. The point of the novel is something else entirely.

Making "Stealing/lying is bad" a plot point/moral of the story wouldn't fit the book; and just mentioning it in passing would seem awkward. Maybe even preachy.

So my question is, how does one write a character with really bad flaws, not point out how terribly *bad* their actions are, and yet not come across as condoning what they do?

~Riella

Imperfect characters are not quite as hard as you might think them to be. The real thing you want to do is make them real. Real people make real mistakes and do 'bad' things. Here are two examples of what you are trying to portray. Harry Potter (at least from the movies, as I have not read the books) and his friends have a frequent habit of breaking school rules. What I dislike about it is by the end of the story they are praised for it. I think this is part of what you are concerned about.

However, look at the story of Aladdin. He is a street-rat in Agrabah trying to survive. He steals so he can eat, but no morals are emphasized on that. His heart is pure and innocent and as the story progresses, he gets a swelled head by pretending to be a prince, while trying to hide the fact that he really is a street-rat.

Another thing to think about is that characters do make mistakes. They have flaws. They get angry when they don't need to. D'Artagnan of The Three Musketeers is arrogant because his skill with a sword is so good. Peter Pan is also cocky. Neither of them suffer consequences of their pride (other than a strained relationship with the girl they are after) but neither are any of them praised for it.

I hope that gives you something to think about.

So my question is, how does one write a character with really bad flaws, not point out how terribly *bad* their actions are, and yet not come across as condoning what they do?

I've been recently watching the first season of the USA Network show, White Collar. The main character, Neal, is a thief and trickster, one of those people who is usually lying and almost always interested in what he can get out of something. Very untrustworthy, but extremely likable. But in the show, the writers make it very clear that his actions aren't really making him happy, and the way they did that best was by inserting his friend, FBI Agent Burke, who is honorable, trustworthy, and all-around good. The writers are able to contrast Neal's actions with Burke's, but more than that, they're able to showcase Burke's stability and happiness against Neal's desperation for people to trust and believe in him. So, in answer, I would consider inserting a "good" character to contrast their rewards. Just a thought.

~theprincessspy (tps)

Thanks for the replies! They were very helpful.

And now I have another question.

This time, it's about circular plots. For those who haven't heard of it, here's the definition I got on Google:

A circular plot has many of the same characteristics of a linear plot, except that a circular plot typically begins and ends in the same or similar place. A character would go through the entire journey of resolving the dramatic question only to end up right back where they started, with nothing solved.

I'm writing a book which fits into that category. The question is, how does one write such a story without it seeming like a waste of time in the reader's perspective?

Any tips?

~Riella

I need some advice

description really isn't my strong point especially when it comes to describing emotions, in the novel that I am currently writing (my second NaNo novel) I have a little orphan girl who wears braces on her legs and is shunned by the other children in the orphanage because she is different. I need to somehow portray to the reader the lonliness that she feels, the feeling of being an outcast, but I just don't know how to do it if anyone has any adivice I would really, really, really appreciate it

Fencer, Harry Potter and his mates aren't 'praised' for breaking school rules. Still, yes, they should've been reprimanded more often. Granted this is the books that I'm talking about.

Anyway,
Wild Rose. The only way to write effectively about the loneliness your character is going through is to explore moments when you've felt lonely and then exaggerate them and build on them to create memorable moments for the reader to really engage in and live alongside the characters.

I need some advice description really isn't my strong point especially when it comes to describing emotions, in the novel that I am currently writing (my second NaNo novel) I have a little orphan girl who wears braces on her legs and is shunned by the other children in the orphanage because she is different. I need to somehow portray to the reader the lonliness that she feels, the feeling of being an outcast, but I just don't know how to do it if anyone has any adivice I would really, really, really appreciate it

First of all, is your problem with actually trying to figure out how your character feels, and feeling it yourself? Is it a problem of trying to see through her eyes so you can get an accurate idea of her loneliness? Or is it a matter of just description and knowing which words to use?

If the first, there are plenty of ways to conjure up sadness. I often put in a very sad movie, or watch a very sad part in a movie. One that really grips me, and puts me in that moment of darkness. Then I simply write down how I feel. It's also helpful to study acting methods besides the typical writing methods. Actors, for their roles, must get into their characters' heads and feel what they feel. Try researching method acting, and read interviews with method actors.

If it's the latter your having trouble with, then you should study writing. Read books by authors who are good at describing emotions. But don't just read it. Study the sentence structure. Look at what adjectives they use, how often they use adjectives, when they choose to use dialogue instead of plain description to describe something, etc. Also, keep a good thesaurus with you, so that you can look up words and find better, more descriptive versions of them.

Hope that helps.

~Riella