What are some good ways to make that transition from telling the story and the thoughts of the character?

BTW, thanks for looking over it and giving feedback.

It's overall pretty decent. But you have moments where you go from the story to thoughts in the same paragraph. That is where it stood out the most. Be sure you have a break when you make that transition. It's the same concept for when you have multiple characters in one scene. For any particular scene, you should be in one character's mind. Everything that the reader sees should be like that character is your 'video camera'. Anything that character can see, the reader can see. Anything the character cannot see, the reader should not see. This includes thoughts. When you change character persepectives, make a clear distinction so the reader knows he/she is changing perspectives. But for 1st person, you have two perspectives, the story which is the camera for the narrator, and the narrator's thoughts which is basically where the narrator turns the camera to himself and speaks directly to his 'audience'. The reader needs to know when the camera is pointing outwardly or indwardly. I hope that helps.

Just thought I'd pop in to say that I read your chapter, too Gathmandais (sorry, couldn't help it) and I thought it was pretty good.

Action (as in fighting) is always the hardest thing for me to write. You did pretty well in that respect. My main critique would to be on the volume of Philip's thoughts before he gets up. Sometimes too much inner conversation can make a scene come of a bit blocky.

...But then I know people who might disagree. I guess it might be a matter of personal preference. Just a thought.

Well here's what happened: A few weeks ago I sat down and decided that I wanted to write a story. So I began to write about this guy who woke up in a room but couldn't remember who he was. I had no idea what the plot was, I didn't know what I was going to write after the first page. I hadn't thought of a name for the guy, or even knew why he had amnesia. I just started writing and built the plot one word at a time. That's why the first few chapters are kind of rough because I didn't plan the story out AT ALL. But as I've written I've kind of figured out a little bit what I want to do and what's going to happen. So at some point I may go back and re-write parts or the entirety of the first few chapters so that it all fits together a bit more cohesively.

I have broken my record on how many words I can type it one day yesterday I was REALLY behind with my CampNaNo novel and I had only one day left so I got busy and wrote and wrote and wrote all day. I wrote 22,599 words in one day, it was really horrible, by the end my fingers hurt so bad that I could hardly type, but I finished the novel and won Camp

I really enjoyed writing "World of Stone" I was stumped so many times, trying to make it interesting and exciting but not to fast paced at the same time. Now to the task that I hate most of all....EDITING

Um...wow. That's a lot of words. You beat my record by about 10,000 words, wild rose. Way to go!

Gathmandais: That's your first draft? Nevermind what I said then. For a first draft with no prior plotting, that's not bad at all.
You got me thinking about putting one of my chapters up for reading. I'm sort of chewing on my manuscript right now, with no idea whether it 'tastes' good or not. I'm seriously considering forcing a few people to read it.

I'm busy, busy editing, yet at the same time I started another story, it's a novella titled "The Legend of the Different Eyed", I'm in no hurry writing it, but I wanted to write something or else I get what I called 'itchy fingers'

I know the feeling. That's why I did my "Legacy of Zorro" last month. I wanted to write and I was still waiting for some feedback so I could edit my sequel, Battle Cry: Expanding the Kingdom of Heaven. I've now started that, but it's going WAY slower than I expected. Taking three graduate courses, two on-line makes you not want to be on a computer much afterwards, let alone edit a novel.

^I know exactly what you mean Fencer. I'm trying to write one of my novels right now and i take two college courses and one is online, yet the online class is so much that when I'm finished I have to take a break from my laptop.

I am getting so excited for NaNoWriMo! I want to start writing my novel so bad but I won't let myself start until November 1st or else I'll have to come up with something else. I can't wait for the site to re-set on the first.

Got potential BIG news. My church hosted a race today for El Paso's Christian Counseling Center, a ministry that was birthed through my church. After the race, my parents and I were speaking with friends from my church. One guy was just up in Michigan to visit grandkids and during his visit, he met up with a friend who gave him a tour of Bethany House Publishing. He hasn't had the time to read my book but his wife has and loved it. His friend is one of the higher ups in Bethany House's marketing department and is in close contact with the the President of the publishing company. My church friend said he would contact his friend about taking a look at my book. This may be the thing I've been looking for. My book does need a final editing job and a wider marketing reach and Bethany House would be an excellent fit. My friend is going to contact this guy and find out what he would want in terms of a proposal, but this could be a big thing. I will wait and pray and see what happens.

I'll be praying for you, Fencer!!
For school yesterday, I started a grammer book - first time I've done anything like that, and though I love writing, I was expecting to be bored. But the first lesson, stating very simple rules about sentences and etc, actually really excited me - I really understood it, and it gave me some thought. I think it will help me to write a little better.

Oh, and I agree with narnian_at_heart - I'm really excited about NaNo, and trying to make myself not think too much about my book, for fear I'll get tired of it. I wish it was starting next month - so long to wait!!!!

Man, it's been forever since I've visited this thread, as well as since I've done any writing in my novel...

Lately I've been focusing on my screenplay. I finally got the first draft finished in April, and decided to start on draft two just last month. It's a bit of a challenge for me, because this is the first time I've done a second draft for something larger than a short story. Unlike most people, I am really bad when it comes to the rewriting process. I have a tendency to just write it out and consider it done. So the fact that I am doing this is both exciting and nerve-wracking. But I feel like I'm doing pretty well so far, considering I had to change the plot line a bit at the beginning, and I didn't really have a good feel for who my MC was the first time through. But I think I can do it. I'm really excited.

Hey everyone! Sorry I've been absent from this thread for a while...I've been doing too many college application essays to have a chance to write for fun as of late. So everything has pretty much been put on hold - here's hoping I'll have a chance to get back into it once things settle down.

So...who's ready for NaNo? I really hope I'm going to have time to do it. I enjoyed writing with your guys last year, and this year I've dragged some of my friends into doing it with me. I was actually thinking of doing a collection of short stories, articles, and scenes from my world but not part of my book. I think it'd be fun, and with my lack of time I think it'd be harder to get writers block this way.

Fire Fairy, I understand what you're saying about rewriting...by the time I had finished my current project, my prose had improved so significantly that I literally went back and rewrote everything. It got easier as I went along, because I had obviously grown as a writer, but there's still much I have to do. That's the reason why this project has taken me so long (going on five years now x_X). Just keep at it!

Nano is definitely out for me. My graduate courses are requiring too much time on the computer. I can barely try to do occasional editing on my sequel, let alone attempt 50k in one month. Besides I already beat it 81k in three weeks just before school started four weeks ago.

I do have a correction to make about my possible connection to Bethany House. The marketer who works for Bethany House is actually my church friend's son-in-law. I just hope he broaches the subject during this week.