Can I get a critic on this poem I've written:

THE BEAST BELOW
Jaws that bite on those much weaker
Claws which reach to catch the seeker
Of him whose glory reigns on high
The Beast Below, the King of Lies

He watches, pliding with eyes in two
Ever watching he longs for you
Beware the Beast who longs to rule
Over mimsy lands, with ways most cruel

The Beast’s disaster will not cease
‘Til the Lord above smoothes this crease
A fate strung in prophetic verse
His end draws near, and with him sin’s curse

A curse borne through ancient mistake
The end will be done when God spake
To bridge the gap and gain a pass
The price was paid, His blood on the grass

The fiery lake awaits the Beast
On Christ’s return he’ll lay in defeat
While those who believed will prosper
The Beast below will suffer on

hey darkhorseD, I'm actually a pretty bad critic when it comes to poetry (I tend to either love it or hate it, but I can never explain exactly why, at least not decently) but I really love your poem, I enjoyed the rhyme sequence very much. It's written very well, great job

something I penned today while I was in 'mermaid mood'
The Siren
A voice sweeter than that of honey
A voice putting nightingales to shame
A song that sweeps across the ocean
And softly, gently calls your name

Oh, to you she becomes everything
Long dreamed of, long desired perfection
Pray, beware! For you to her
Are but another wreck to add to the collection

Hey wild rose,

I really liked the mythical theme of this poem. The contrasts of both beauty and darkness are exhibited in this fine poem. I might have to drop by here more often.

I must say that you captured temptation quite well wild rose.
Looking over some of these poems I get the itch to pick up quill,and ink again. Perhaps I should dig out some of the older stuff I did when I was a bit younger to get things rolling.

thank you so much Windsong and Puddleglum
oh yes, Puddleglum, I'd love to read some of your poetry, please post some
I penned this little poem a few days ago, I was putting my niece to sleep for her nap and I wanted to teach her a prayer poem, but all the prayer poems I knew that had to to with sleeping where for the night, so I decided to write one for her to learn, it's very simple

Thank you dear kind Lord
For the morning that passed
Please bless and watch over me
As I lay down for my nap

Help me close my little eyes
And fall asleep real soon
Keep me safe as I rest
During this hour of noon

I was messing around a few weeks ago and I wrote this little poem:

Beside the mellow in-between:
A gravel road that swims among balsams,
Clouds of moths flutter in the light from the porch;
And further down, on sparkling grass, he plays
That song on his guitar, that chips carelessly at
Star-notes,
and love that will never be.

Then, I re-wrote it with a rhyme scheme:

Beside the mellow in-between,
Where the ocean wind makes the whole world feel clean,
A road twists below, and swims among stars,
and the gravel road crunches beneath lonely cars.

And in that mellow-in between,
Where the change of the heart makes the whole world clean,
Another bleeding sun will rise,
Into a cloudless Northern sky.

And I'll probably re write it again.

I started this thread back in 2010. I wrote a little poetry in an undergraduate creative writing class in 1999, but nothing since. Then last month I started writing poetry again, after quoting Philippians 4:13. I have accounts on FictionPress.com and ReadWave.com.

"Standing in the Shadows"

He stands in the shadows
Sees them gather around their teammate
And pat him on the back
Then he hears the shout "Go Tennessee!"
As the referee blows the whistle

He stands in the shadows
Sees them gather around their chief
And give him words of encouragement
Then he hears the shout "Workers of the world, unite!"
As the police officer wields his baton

He stands in the shadows
Sees them gather around their leader
And embrace his tired body
Then he hears the song "We Will Overcome"
As the weary crowd marches on

He stands in the shadows
Sees them gather around their co-worker
And give her tearful smiles
Then he hears the shout "Break the glass ceiling!"
As the energized crowd murmurs in consent

He stands in the shadows
Sees them gather around their congressman
And clasp his hands in agreement
Then he hears the shout "America for Americans!"
As illegal immigrants are arrested and led away

He stands in the shadows
Sees them gather around their pastor
And give him a handshake and a hug
Then he hears the song "The Church Triumphant"
As the congregation begins to worship

He stands on the balcony
Sees them gather in the square
And hurl words of hate
Then he hears the shout "Crucify him!"
As Pontius Pilate washes his hands and leads him away

220chrisTian, that's a beautiful poem, filled with meaning. I really enjoyed reading it

Thank you. I enjoyed writing it! Others, not so much. The one below is the first in a series of English sonnets on the blood of Christ.

Genesis: Abel's Faith

The blood of Christ is precious, Abel thought,
As his own blood into the earth was sown.
My God will rectify what Cain has wrought
And through His Son prepare to save his own.
He came into the world to pay sin’s price.
Incarnate deity and great I AM,
Our Savior offered God a sacrifice.
In faith, the Shepherd brought Himself the lamb.
As blood and water poured out like a flood,
The bridge between our God and us did mend.
The faith of Abel lives, yet still the blood
Of Christ speaks better things than Abel’s end.
Redeeming us from penalty and shame,
It gives us strength to walk in Jesus’ name.

That was beautiful, Christian. Just... Sadly, touchingly beautiful.

This is the first couple stanzas of a poem introduction that I wrote for a NaNoWriMo novel. The fantasy world has three sentient races: humans, dwarfs and a race I made up, the embrin (singular, ember).

Epoch of the Three:

The Dragon's fire burned bright and hot
Sirpha, judge of all that moved
Looked on and saw that each one's lot
Was what Creator Yahn approved
But no one's aid proud Sirpha sought
All lesser creatures he reproved

Yahn the Just saw the Dragon's pride
And chose to show him whom was great
He took the dust of earth and sighed
The races three did he create
Hardy men, the dwarves beside
The embrin-children stood sedate

Sirpha's rage blazed in his heart
He took his thought the three to slay
His evil pride now planned to thwart
Those in whom Yahn's favor lay
To wyrms his aim he did impart
And merely six ventured a nay

To some of the three, he also spoke
Those of darkened heart and mind
A few of dwarves and then menfolk
Vilely with the Betrayer aligned
And many Embers wreathed in smoke
Their purpose foul, their cause maligned

The 25 line limit prohibits the rest; it can be found in completion here.

Anne, that's a really awesome poem!

Something I penned recently
Alone With the Tree

Christopher Robin has gone and grown
Traveled off into the great unknown
While in the hundred acre wood
A forgotten little bear stood
Under a tree, all alone
Waiting
For Christopher Robin to remember
Turn around
And come back home

wild rose: I love your touching poem, since I love Winnie the Pooh.

Here's my most recent creation, 5 haikus. http://www.readwave.com/daddy_s52358

Daddy
She told me that he
Had run away. Then I knew
Why I felt alone.

Years later, the news
Came that he had died. Subdued,
All I did was cry.

Now failures and sins
Surround me like jagged rocks
In a muddy stream.

“Where is Father God?”
I ask myself. “Why did He
Abandon me too?”

In the wilderness,
Alone, I want someone to
Take me by the hand.

This is a poem I penned recently when going through a tough time in my life.

Carry You

When your wings are clipped and you can't fly
Your legs are broken and you can't go on
Your heart is torn so it can barely beat
And you can't see because the light is gone

In the darkness you sink to you knees and cry
"Dear God, I can't move, I don't know what to do!"
He will stoop down and lift you up
Whispering "Fear not, my child, I will carry you."

@wild rose: beautiful. So often, when I tell God, "I don't know what to do," this Charles Billingsley song pops into my head.

I've written three more sonnets for my "This Blood" series in the past week. Check out a new one below. All seven are here.

Joshua: The Cord
To see Canaan, land of milk and honey,
Joshua told spies, “Go to Jericho.”
They told a harlot they had no money.
Yet Rahab hid them from the king, their foe.
“The terror of you has fallen on us.
Your God is God, in heaven and on earth.
Now spare our lives from death. Show me kindness,”
Rahab cried, “for I have faith in your worth.”
“If we see the scarlet cord, then you’ll be
Saved with your household, your blood on our head.
If the cord is missing, then we’ll be free
Of this our pledge.” “So be it,” Rahab said.
The scarlet cord of salvation is here.
The blood of Jesus Christ lets us draw near.

Since it's National Poetry Month, here's a new sonnet on one of the oldest men in the world. It's also on FictionPress and Readwave.

Job: The Redeemer
Misery came to faithful Job one day,
He lost his home, livestock, children, and health.
So Job said, “The Lord gave and took away.
Blessed be his name, for faith is my wealth.”
Some friends tried to mourn with and comfort Job.
They told him to trust in God and repent.
But Job wrapped around him purity’s robe
And fiercely prayed for help from heaven sent.
He cried, “I know that my Redeemer lives,
And he shall stand at last upon the earth.
The fruit of everlasting life he gives,
For, after death, I’ll learn what faith is worth.
I know that once this earthly tent is gone,
In my flesh I will see God – my race done.”