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I've written three more poems: one sonnet and some haiku...

Blessed Trinity
Pacing, waving his
Golden mane, the Lion roars.
Strength and might are his.

Woolly white, silent,
The Lamb is led to slaughter.
Precious is his blood.

Downy, fluttering,
The Dove whispers words of peace.
His comfort abides.

Jekyll and Hyde
Words sweet as water
Gentle as the morning dew
Care like pillowed clouds

Words like stinging hail
Falling from an angry sky
A voice like thunder

The Romans Road
The faith of ancient Romans once proclaimed
Our saving liberty in Jesus Christ.
Believing Jews and Greeks were not ashamed.
They trusted in his perfect sacrifice....

Go to to keep reading the Romans sonnet!

Topic starter Posted : October 14, 2015 9:47 am
The Rose-Tree Dryad
Secret Garden Agent Moderator

I really like the "Blessed Trinity" haiku, 220chrisTian! Very nice imagery and symbolism. :)

Posted : October 14, 2015 4:16 pm

Thanks, Rose-Tree! I wanted to make these biblical symbols live in real time, if you know what I mean. I imagined movie Aslan while writing the Lion stanza. ;) I also added a 4th stanza to my published poem, to give it a conclusion. :p

Lion, Lamb, and Dove:
Jehovah in Three Persons,
Blessed Trinity.

Here's the complete Romans sonnet, on Readwave.

The faith of ancient Romans once proclaimed
Our saving liberty in Jesus Christ.
Believing Jews and Greeks were not ashamed.
They trusted in his perfect sacrifice.
Set free from sin, made slaves of righteousness,
Elected, justified, as Yahweh’s seed,
Adopted sons of God his name did bless
And learned to seek the Holy Spirit’s lead.
This gospel is the saving pow’r of God.
It gives us faith to walk in liberty.
When we see Jesus’ face on sacred sod,
We’ll bless the Romans road and bend a knee.
The righteousness of God is now revealed:
The just shall live by faith and then be healed.

Topic starter Posted : October 15, 2015 8:51 am

All I knew about haiku before visiting an online poetry forum yesterday was the 5-7-5 syllable pattern, but this is Japanese. In English, the emphasis is on accents, not syllables, so a haiku should have a 2-3-2 pattern. It should also have a single break in meaning and rhythm, created by a dash or semicolon. Finally, content should reflect a season of the year and focus one moment in time = present tense, strong images. Read my Trinity revision below. Go here to download a 7-page PDF file on how to write traditional haiku in English.

Blessed Trinity
Pacing, golden,
The Lion roars and runs –
Mighty strength

Silent, alone,
The Lamb goes to slaughter –
Precious blood

Drawing near,
The Dove whispers peace –
Warm comfort

Autumn leaves,
Bare trees – my
Soul abides

Topic starter Posted : October 16, 2015 9:47 am

I joined a poetry forum on Friday and posted "Jekyll and Hyde" for feedback. I don't like it (stiff rules, unkind mods), so I'm leaving. However, one member did give me constructive criticism = good weather contrast to heighten the sudden change in mood, but the metaphors are clichéd and have no life. So, what do you think? I'm trying to get serious about my poetry.

liquid jewels
adorn golden blades:
autumn court

crunch, snap:
crinkled leaves crumble
in twilight

Topic starter Posted : October 19, 2015 10:50 am
NarniaWeb Fanatic Hospitality Committee

I feel particularly blessed to have a job that means working in a deeply spiritual and Christian atmosphere with others who share the same faith — I'm a Christian Science nurse, which means I give practical care and support to people who are turning to God for healing through prayer. (I don't want to drag this thread off topic, but am happy to talk more about it if anyone's interested.)

Anyway, it's a wonderful ministry to be part of and I work at a dedicated care facility where we have a new manager who's just taken up her position. I mention this here because today at the start of the shift I was working on, she shared this poem with us that I thought others here might like to read as well. It certainly gives one something to think about...

The Gospel According to You
(author unknown)

If none but you in the world today
Had tried to live the Christlike way,
Could the rest of the world look close at you
And find the path that is strait and true?

If none but you in the world so wide
Had found the Christ for his daily guide,
Would the things you do and the things you say
Lead others to live in His blessed way?

Ah, friends of the Christ, in the world today
Are many who watch you upon your way,
And look to the things you say and do
To measure the Christian standard true:

Men read and admire the Gospel of Christ
With its love so unfailing and true,
But what do they say and what do they think
Of the gospel according to you?

You are writing each day a letter to men
Take care that the writing is true;
'Tis the only gospel that some men will read,
That gospel according to you.

"Now you are a lioness," said Aslan. "And now all Narnia will be renewed."
(Prince Caspian)

Posted : February 15, 2020 12:21 pm
NarniaWeb Nut

I'm very happy to have stumbled upon the Poetry thread! I've always liked writing, but haven't had the patience or attention span to write a novel. I dabbled in short stories, but it takes some skill (skill I don't yet have) to write a very good one. My preference to focus on a specific subject or emotion and describe it in an abstract way, as well as my short attention span, caused me to be inclined toward poetry. Thus, in the last two years I've written many poems. I've only shared some with a few very close friends or family members- maybe three people total. So, this will be my first time sharing some with a large audience. If you have any feedback, sharing it would be greatly appreciated! I'm always looking to grow by constructive criticism.

Here are some of my original poems:


What Warriors Do

"Was I ever a child?" 
"Why, you are a child still! 
"Your whole life lies ahead of you- 
"Youth's endless days to fill." 
"Yes, but did I ever once feel young, 
"Unburdened by wisdom's pain?" 
"Oh, to think of the things you think you know! 
"You've still much knowledge to gain." 
"I wish I didn't have to learn, 
"Or try, or think, or feel. 
"Most days it seems I'm less than hopeless- 
"All the joy was never real." 
"Your life is not over." 
"I feel it's over." 
"There's so much good you can do." 
"I only mess up." 
"Pick yourself up, 
"For that is what warriors do."


Hold Hands

It's simple: 
A question, 
An answer, 
Hands touch. 
It's strange, 
And wonderful, 
To feel 
So much. 
The world 
Takes on 
A bright, 
Vibrant hue. 
It's confusing, 
It's exciting, 
A feeling 
So new. 
It's confusing, 
It's exciting, 
Sitting here 
With you. 


The Dead Young Flowers

When the wilted young flowers remember 

Their petals did not always droop, 

Their leaves were once rich emerald, 

Their existence, long ago, was bright; 


When the broken young flowers reminisce 

On the days when they were happy, 

On the times they lived and loved, 

On how fast- too soon- it all was gone; 


When the worn young flowers recall 

What they were always born to be, 

What colors the Maker painted them with, 

What the true meaning is of Life and Self; 


When the young flowers remember, reminisce, and recall- 

When they see the light of spring again- 

When the great sky mourns their loss, 

Then the young flowers will breathe and be restored. 

"We shall all, in the end,
be led to where we belong.
We shall all, in the end,
find our way home."

- The Beatryce Prophecy by Kate DiCamillo

Posted : February 16, 2022 12:31 am
NarniaWeb Nut

@rainyweather Pleasure to meet your writing! I have no proper critique today, but I do enjoy these. Especially What Warriors Do - touching and surprisingly relatable. And Hold Hands is so bright and sweet.

Posted : January 12, 2023 7:15 am
NarniaWeb Nut

[Shyly delivers a poem from last year's poetry challenge]


Mountains, castles, and cathedrals rise
Up from the sea-damp and sandy shore,
Their bulwarks imagination’s prize.
Fleetingly they stand, and then no more.

Bitter wind will batter fragile walls,
And come scrape the sculptured edge away.
Still in the time until vision falls,
Small joys are found where the sea holds sway.

A shell window, hole an empty door,
Fingerprints a crenelation high;
Gull’s feather tree from lost land before,
White and proud beneath an ice-blue sky.

Echo of a tower holds no bells
To sing out the hour on Sunday morn.
Mountain keep is far from all its dells,
Sole image from some loved book reborn

Posted : January 14, 2023 4:10 pm
Narnian78 liked
NarniaWeb Nut

This is sort of a Narnia poem but sort of not, so I'm filing it here.

Green Witch's Lute

Is this all?

–Is this the flight before the fall?

——Or am I waiting on the edge of something more?

————-I want to be wrong, if it means I can soar.


No empty shells, and no dry wells.

No hollow cicadas on the tree.

(Just let me be.)

If the sky won’t break, clouds part overhead,

If we mold stones and bones out of dry bread—

(And let me see.)

–Is there anything to see?


The sun, my lamp.

A yowl or lone miau a roar.

And down into the underdark we’ll go

(if you will let me go)

And wander

(And I’ll seek and find,

In truth or only in my mind)

For whatever battles are worth the fighting

And treasures are worth the torch I’m lighting,

Whether a coffin’s the final score.

Posted : January 20, 2023 4:24 pm
Narnian78 liked
NarniaWeb Nut

Been on my annual poem-a-thon because it's April, wanted to share one I'm pleased with out of the batch so far this year.


"Beloved Hunter"

I find my dreaming roots in you,
They branch out from our name.
We both are hunting, seeking folk
Though we don't always hunt the same.
You would hunt in forests,
Fir and cedar, dappled light,
Or deserts where the rocks cry chorus,
While I wander inner paths at night.

You showed me the wonder in a stone–
Silver spider-veins, fire-forged black glass–
Shells and teeth where aged creation's known,
And crystals where the rainbows pass.

You were kind and generous,
In contrast to my caution and fear.
Always ready to believe the best,
And knowing your God could work in you here.

I would fly far to escape to you,
To hear the ocean breathe with your joy.
Maybe someday when the world is new
We'll play with nature's wildest toys,
Then find peace in mountain lakes again.
I hope you will love me as I am,
For all I am changing from what you knew.
My quarry found, white stag or lamb,
Will show my spectrum of colors true.

Posted : April 7, 2023 7:10 pm
Narnian78 liked
NarniaWeb Nut

Friendship doesn't feel like fire, anymore.

Our shared has-been could burn me hollow.

There is no raging need to throw

Open wide the gates, to be invaded.

You have no invasion force.

You're just one weary traveler 

Easing down the road

To meet my hearth-fire.

You're just the cat padding peaceful

To my lap to purr and sleep.

And that's the way I love you.

My hearth is always ready,

Because I know you'll knock for me.

My hand is open to your curious nose,

The gentle dance of reacquaintance 

Waiting on your purr.

Posted : September 17, 2023 4:13 am
Narnian78 liked
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