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Flash Fiction Writing Challenge - hosted by the Inn Between  

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aileth
(@aileth)
Member Moderator

Towels? What towels? You mean there were towels here, and nobody told me? Just for that, I'll have to come back someday.... *sinister laugh*

Okay, this isn't something I'm accustomed to doing, so here goes. Taking them in order:

'69 Hotrod I knew that letter was important, but I didn't figure out what it really was until I read through the second time, and then was "How did I miss that?" Love the way you describe your characters and settings; a single word or phrase bringing an instant picture. That line "What color did I end up painting it?" was really good. He's disillusioned, going to end it all, and then there's this bit of curiosity, as if he suddenly believes the kid.

What Comes Knocking Nicely led-up-to ending; another second read to appreciate all the hints. Felt bad for the kid, too--if he figured out everything else, why didn't he guess that? Or maybe he did, only too late. Does she off somebody every ten years? And now I want to know what you cut out re: Janine. All I can say to your character is: Interesting as you might be, please don't come to Canada!

Tempus Fugit I'm the opposite of Vanna and Shawna--very lately come to DT. Did recognize the family (after reading some of the comments--they're just as revealing as the stories) from the Holiday Mansion. But it is good as a standalone--though the hints about future(?) events are maddening, since they sound perfectly fascinating. (Sort of like an author we've all heard about, who dropped hints about many other stories, and only wrote a few of them) It is obvious that Dan and Angie really care for each other, and by implication, other people as well.

Roots This felt so realistic--the motivations of your characters, including the off-stage ones, fit in with real life so well; the shyness and uncertainty they both felt was well done. There is that feeling of regret that Jessica didn't come back herself, but she cared enough to send her own daughter as her messenger. Incidentally, the few things Lotus said about her father seem to prove the grandmother's initial judgment at fault--something she had the grace not to resent.

VF As I mentioned, DT is an unknown for me; that said, this was enjoyable and didn't need backstory to make it so. That interaction between the VF and Breaker is hilarious--it reminds me of a recent conversation I had with a kid about why he should sit on the carpet, just like everybody else. You use logic, get them to a certain point, and then, wham! they click back to their original state, and it all begins again. (A side note: I kept reading the sidekick as "Hug the Thug"--not quite, eh?)

Also, poor Evelyn, having that many people claim to be descendants and then scooting off without an explanation.

That was what my brother picked up on when he read it--the improbability and therefore the possibilities.

Now my days are swifter than a post: they flee away ... my days are swifter than a weaver's shuttle

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Posted : March 3, 2018 7:42 pm
Shawna
(@shawna)
NarniaWeb Regular

Aileth - I'm glad it still made sense to someone not already familiar with the character/setting. Writing the VF is something that I come here for, so I'll probably just keep using her (and/or the vamps). :) I'll try to include enough description/info that it continues to make sense for people not familiar with the old DT.

Stargazer - I tend to write long, so when I do write short, it's usually like this, using characters already established elsewhere. I think the shortest story I've written with its own self-contained world and characters was around 6,000 words. And yeah, the VF has a bat'leth. ;) I watched one of the blu ray features recently about when they were developing that weapon for the show, and they showed it to actual sword masters who were like, "Wow, no one's invented a whole new bladed weapon in, like, centuries, but this is solid."

Incidentally, the few things Lotus said about her father seem to prove the grandmother's initial judgment at fault--something she had the grace not to resent.

I caught that, too. It's such an awful thing already, but to be the grandmother in this situation and realize that the big argument that lost you your daughter happened because you were wrong would just be gut-wrenching.

author webpage: http://shawnacanon.com

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Posted : March 5, 2018 2:14 am
Lady Arwen
(@wren)
The Mermod Moderator

What Comes Knocking

gazer-ironically, I really liked the kid, too, along with his utter devotion to groundhog day. I'm glad you didn't see it coming, but still got it. My most significant concern with this draft was that the twist wouldn't be clear enough.

aileth--in the original, Janine was more clearly designated as the narrator's partner and sire or host (I was undecided about which at that point). In the original, too, the kid was actually an adult who showed up knowing about the vampire bit, arguing that the narrator dropped off her daughter to keep from killing her. The narrator, too, was a bit more...maternal about the whole thing. He still ended up getting bit, though.

Shawna's Story
This is my first real encounter with the VF, too, and I must say, that's quite an interesting first encounter. I would definitely love to read more VF adventures. I particularly liked how you made your own spin on the grandmother/grandchild theme, with the generations of technology. I agree with aileth--it definitely reminds me of many a conversation I've had with small children.

Avatar thanks to AITB

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Posted : March 5, 2018 4:38 pm
Boo Kay Bucket
(@boo-kay-bucket)
Member Ditto Town Host

Thank you all for your participation! (I will never argue with a thriving Inn, especially when the patrons are relatively well-behaved.) Unfortunately, the time has come for me to close my doors again and do a bit of spring cleaning. I have heard rumors that there will be another establishment whose renovations are almost complete, so you'll have that to look forward to.

In the meanwhile, please check out at the front desk and have your payments ready. Cash is preferable - and exact change, please; an imbalance is always sure to give me indigestion.

Pay up or move out!

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Posted : March 6, 2018 2:12 am
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