I'll answer these questions. I have been single for about 3 weeks due to the inability of a long distance relationship. (Any thoughts on distance relationships?)
"1. Are you content with your life?"
I'm content, but always striving for more and looking towards the future.

2. Are you seeking a relationship to end loneliness?
To be honest that has been a big part of why I got into my past relationships. I have some really great friends and even guy friends that I am extremely close to, but let's be honest, great friendships can't replace that special someone. So I disagree with Josh Harris on this one.

3. What are you expecting marriage to provide for you?
I can't really comment on this one, I really have no clue. Perhaps stability and companionship.

4.Do you see marriage as a romantic fantasy or some other kind of unending bliss?
Unending bliss? Sounds like nirvana. Hahaha. That's just silly. No.

5.. Do you think that marriage is going to make your life significantly "better"?" Realistically yes. It will. But not in some bizarre extreme fantasy, but yes having that companion will be better. Even God says, "It is not good for man to be alone."

6. Do you want to get married to prove that you are okay? Seeing as I don't particularly want to get married soon (but in the future) it will be for my own reasons and not to prove anything to anyone. I do what I want.

Uh, first of all, none of that was from Josh Harris.

Now, that said...

...let's be honest, great friendships can't replace that special someone.

I'd also flip that statement around: "that special someone" cannot replace great friendships. (Of course, "that special someone" should be one of your greatest friendships too.)

Now really, to clarify the whole "loneliness" point, remember that wanting to get married is a desire. It is a very strong desire, and, I believe, a God-given one that is very good in many ways. But it is ultimately a desire; if it goes unfulfilled, our lives can still function quite well.

Loneliness, however, is indicative of a need: the need to connect with other people, opening up to them, being vulnerable to them, and receiving both grace and truth from them. When people aren't connected with others at all, their lives get messed up. And trying to get into a relationship to fulfill this need is very dangerous. (By the way, it's possible to be in a relationship, even marriage, and still be lonely.)

I'd say that if someone has friends but still feels lonely, he probably isn't connecting very well with his friends in the ways I mentioned above. If he is connecting well with those friends, but still feels incomplete without "that special someone", then it might be more of an issue of what he is expecting marriage to provide for him (which would be question #3). But if things are going well, his drive for marriage will be one fueled by a healthy desire, not a need.

As for long-distance relationships: they're fine for a season, but I would say that there should be a good, long period of time where the two people are short-distance and can observe each other before any serious commitments should be made.

Whoops! Sorry...just kidding. Not Josh Harris.

And trying to get into a relationship to fulfill this need is very dangerous.

I disagree.

I'd say that if someone has friends but still feels lonely, he probably isn't connecting very well with his friends in the ways I mentioned above.

I don't think so. I talk to my friends about everything under the sun. I have friends from all walks of life and several friends that know everything there is to know about me, including my deepest secrets. I always have someone to talk to who connects with me, but there are times when I'm still lonely, when all I want is to just be in someone's arms. I can cuddle with my friends but it's not the same as having that "one" person to always go to. Sorry if that's weird.

Question: How do you tell if your feelings on marriage are healthy ones? I've seen people who had an extreme desire to get married, and it seemed healthy and good for them, and led them to good things. I've also seen people with an extreme desire to get married that wasn't so healthy. So how do you tell which one your own feelings are? Whether it's just a strong, healthy desire God has placed in you, or if it's an obsession or idol?

And if it is the second, what can you do about it?

In my experience, almost everyone desires marriage at some level. I'm single and I certainly desire marriage. I really want to get married and have a family someday and I believe I will.

However, you also need to be content where you are at. Singleness is a gift! The apostle Paul spoke highly of singleness in 1 Corinthians. You should be using your single years to pursue God and do His work.

This summer, I went on a three week mission trip to Ecuador. My family was off fishing without a phone and my phone didn't work down there and there was no free wi-fi at the hotel (actually there was, but I didn't learn this until the day we left). For all anyone knew, I could have just dropped off the edge of the world. I could pour everything into the kids on my team and the people of Ecuador and I didn't have to think about or worry about anyone at home. It was amazing.

What I don't agree with are people who aren't content where they're at. Girls who go to a Bible or Christian college just so they can get their MRS degree. I've known girls who that's the only reason they went to college! Seriously, there are lots cheaper ways to find a good husband. I'm ready for a relationship and when the right guy comes along, I'll begin a relationship and be happy and following God in that. But at the same time, I'm content where I am now and am constantly striving to be more like God and do His work right now. Being content where you are and yet at the same time keeping your eyes open for a guy (or girl) is a very fine balance.

And can this "delay" your marriage at all? What I mean is, if it is an idol to you, would God keep you single until you learned to stop idolizing it?

I don't know, I'm not God.

I'd also flip that statement around: "that special someone" cannot replace great friendships. (Of course, "that special someone" should be one of your greatest friendships too.)

That is one very believable quote. My sister had here first boyfriend and kept telling her friends she couldn't go places because she was doing something with luke. she wouldn't talk to them like she use to. Once she noticed it took months to get the friends back.

The whole idea of a soul mate is a pagan one. The Bible mentions that any two people can learn to love each other if Christ is at the centre of their relationship.

I personally don't believe any two people can love each other. That is just my belief though.

I struggle with that one too. What I'm trying to say is that love is an action and choice, not just feelings and that the soul mate idea is still crap.

The whole idea of a soul mate is a pagan one. The Bible mentions that any two people can learn to love each other if Christ is at the centre of their relationship.

Which Bible verse do you mean?

The "soul mate" idea isn't just a pagan one. It's also in the belief of predestination. If one believes in predestination, that God controls who gets saved, who doesn't, and the specific details of our lives, it also follows that He would predestine who we marry.

But, of course, that wouldn't necessarily apply to the beliefs of free-will believers. So whether or not you believe in soul mates hinges a lot on the whole predestination/free-will argument.

I'm a predestination believer, myself. So I also believe in Soul mates -- not the pagan stories of a god dividing people into two parts or anything. Just that God has the details of my life planned out in advance, including who I marry.

~Riella

I struggle with that one too. What I'm trying to say is that love is an action and choice, not just feelings and that the soul mate idea is still crap.

yes i don't belive in soul mates. I believe there are many people that the one person can be happy with but they will not be happy with everyone.

Psychology theories of attraction:

Reinforcement theory, balance theory, the reward theory(this one makes no sense what so ever) something about someone being present when you receive a reward.

Why do predestination and free will have to be mutally exclusive? I believe both in God's sovereignty and the free will he's given for us to make our own choices.

Matthew 22:23–30 is one area that disputes the idea of soul mates.

Marriage at the Resurrection

23 That same day the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to him with a question. 24 “Teacher,” they said, “Moses told us that if a man dies without having children, his brother must marry the widow and have children for him. 25 Now there were seven brothers among us. The first one married and died, and since he had no children, he left his wife to his brother. 26 The same thing happened to the second and third brother, right on down to the seventh. 27 Finally, the woman died. 28 Now then, at the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven, since all of them were married to her?”
29 Jesus replied, “You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. 30 At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.

Why do predestination and free will have to be mutally exclusive? I believe both in God's sovereignty and the free will he's given for us to make our own choices.

Do you mean compatibilism? If so, I believe in that as well. What I'm saying is, the predestination aspect of compatibilism is what makes me believe in God choosing our spouses.

Matthew 22:23–30 is one area that disputes the idea of soul mates.

That verse says we won't be married in the afterlife... I'm not sure what that has to do with the question of whether God chooses our spouse for us, instead of us choosing our own...

~Riella

I should mention, I've been wondering about the whole "we won't be married in the afterlife" thing. I know that marriage is symbolic of the eventual marriage of Christ and the Church, but I also can't help but think that there will be in Heaven a new "institution" of sorts to replace marriage, which by definition is broken by death; perhaps in Heaven there will be a different way in which a man and a woman can be bound together for... well, eternity. (Maybe in Heaven, such a relational binding doesn't need any actual structured institution?)

It's something interesting to think about, but it's just speculation at the moment, so don't go latching onto my idea too quickly.

I should mention, I've been wondering about the whole "we won't be married in the afterlife" thing. I know that marriage is symbolic of the eventual marriage of Christ and the Church, but I also can't help but think that there will be in Heaven a new "institution" of sorts to replace marriage, which by definition is broken by death; perhaps in Heaven there will be a different way in which a man and a woman can be bound together for... well, eternity. (Maybe in Heaven, such a relational binding doesn't need any actual structured institution?)

It's something interesting to think about, but it's just speculation at the moment, so don't go latching onto my idea too quickly.

Cool idea! Could be true, as well. But is there gender in the afterlife?

I was also thinking that maybe everyone will be close to everyone in the afterlife -- even closer than marriage -- maybe even the same amount of closeness. Instead of being closer to some than others, if that makes sense. The ultimate fellowship?

~Riella

Is there gender in the afterlife? Absolutely. We don't lose our masculine or feminine identity once we die. Our identities are restored, redeemed and fully completed in Christ in the New Heaven and the New Earth.