Sir, I do apologize. We have a new chef named Nicholas Le Saint who keeps asking if we believe and pulling pranks like this. He will be fired immediately.

Waiter, why is there a little drummer boy in my soup?

We believe there to be some confusion in the kitchen as to whether it is 'rum pum pum pum' or 'rum pum pum tum'

Waiter, why is there a lot of confetti in my soup?

The other cooks were celebrating the firing of Nicholas Le Saint.

Waiter, why is there a paper towel in my soup?

My apologies, sir - there was a spill in the kitchen and someone wasn't too particular about what they wiped up.

Waiter, there's a bookmark in my soup!

You stepped away from the table for a moment, so we marked your place.

Waiter, there's a battery in my soup!

~ Wunder

Did you think your meal was free of charge?

Waiter, there's a frog in my soup!

Oh I am so sorry, & we will replace the bowl of soup. The new chef, specialising in French cuisine, said he had a frog in his throat when he arrived this morning, but it must have hopped away.

Waiter! There is an Olympic Gold Medal in my soup!

Our apologies, madame - apparently the gold medalist in shot put got a little carried away.

Waiter, there's a puppet in my soup!

Humblest apologies, ma'am. We just wanted to put on a show. Performance art has gotten quite popular, so we wanted to join the crowd.

Waiter, there's a compass in my soup!

~ Wunder

Yes, madam- to help you navigate this course of your meal.

Waiter, there's a pile of dirt in my soup!

Sorry I was getting the tomatoes from my garden and I guess the dirt came with it!

Waiter! there's a crayon in my soup!

Humblest apologies, Miss. I heard that there was a day when all the crayons quit. I suppose they must have been interested in pursuing a culinary career instead.

Waiter! There's a telescope in my soup!

~ Wunder

All the better with which to see your soup, madame!

Waiter, there's a silver fork in my soup!

You may need both a spoon & a fork to eat your beautifully chunky bouillabaisse, a French style seafood chowder which originally was made in Marseilles.  

Waiter! There is a blue swimmer crab in my soup!

That's our latest delicacy! It takes quite a lot of skill to catch the crab- a dish for true connoisseurs! 

Waiter! There's a deck of cards in my soup!