I wouldst join this fair monastery, if thou wouldst have me.
Herein lies my history: I have only viewed the official trailers and the occasional story.
Have been avoiding NW like the plague, waiting for the 10th!!
Perhaps this is why the good knights and ladies of the Monastery have not been posting lately. NarniaWeb posts spoilers regularly.
Herewith my vow: I shalt view only the film, and ONLY the film, and not taint mine eyes with- I can only just force my tongue to say it- spoilers. But perhaps after I watch the film, I'll come back and read all the news stories.
I wouldst accept thy fair protection as well, for members of the Evil and Dark Lair of LoESRM have been plaguing me to join that society. I hath resisted valiantly, and hath been gifted with a slingshot to defend myself, and candles to light my way. Candles are needed in the Lair of LoESRM. Beware, ye who would visit there!

*wanders in and studies the gong thoughtfully for a few seconds*

*modifies it slightly*

*taps lightly to test*

Do not worry, it is still perfectly safe to use.

*returns to hermitage whilst listening to echoes*

Many warm greetings to the newcomers! Knight Hospitaller, the Maid Who Art Called Nionel, and Narnia's High Queen, we art glad to have thee here!

In sooth, I am most regretful I hast had such a little presence in the beauteous sanctum that art our Monastery the past few days. I hath been on a quest to locate many thousands of words during but thirty moons, and tracking those critters art not as easy as it seems. I hath bite marks to prove it. But at last I return to rest my feet for a while. Besides, there hath been so many miles between myself and the glorious cappuccino, I wast suffering from caffeine withdrawal. Verily, the headaches were doing little to further my quest. Might there be a way to bottle the cappuccino, for the monk-on-the-go?

Hurrah, another of the famed questers is in our midst! I must see if I can tracketh down my autograph scroll. Where hast thou been, fearless Hospitaller, that hath taken thee so far from the hallowed walls and hallowed halls of the Monastery? Hast thou been questing?

*Is most impressed with the Lady Wanderer's blindfolded gong-banging, though she watcheth from a cautious distance*

Do not worry, it is still perfectly safe to use.

. . . Safe?

The Dark Overlord (also known to his minions as Booky ) hast not been ruminating the idea of replacing our most beloved Gong with a hollowed-out version filled with nitroglycerin, hast he?

In sooth, I am quite amazed that in little more than a month, the Blessed Event will be Come. May all our torment in resisting our temptations be replaced by joy hundredfold, when we at long last look to the most mystical and magical silver screen!

*Extends warm greetings to the newest members of this finest of orders and the visitors who hath graced the halls with their presence*

*Is most impressed with the Lady Wanderer's blindfolded gong-banging, though she watcheth from a cautious distance*

Verily, it is like unto the sport of hitting a pinata. Yea, it is easier for indeed none hath spun me around until I know not whether the ground is hither or thither, much less where the pinata hangs.

I wonder. What modifications hath Riv wrought on yon gong? Dost it now rain down goodies from the sky?

*peeks under her blindfold and aims for the very center of the gong*

BOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG!

. . . Safe?

Completely. Well, the Dark Overlord's buffet plates might be dancing upon his tables due to a matching of resonant frequencies, but thee needst not worry concerning this fair monastery.

Completely. Well, the Dark Overlord's buffet plates might be dancing upon his tables due to a matching of resonant frequencies, but thee needst not worry concerning this fair monastery.

Verily? Perhaps the rattling of their detestable buffet plates will hearken to their hearts the delightful, pure sound of Monasterial gongs, and they shalt at long last repent of their ways! I applaud thee for thy clever tinkerings, Rivulus!

*Borrows the mallet from the Lady Wanderer for a moment, and gives the gong a mighty thwack, whereupon she vibrateth all the way back across the Most Sacred Hall of the Gong, teeth chattering, due to the powerful sound waves*

. . . Forsooth, what delightful fun! Almost as good as a ride at what art called a carnival, I should say. I think I shall hath another go.

Bahahaha! I have come out of the ever-treacherously wonderful Lair into this pit known as the Monastary, to inform you of the treachery of one of your own monks. Though she denies it, she is on her way to becoming one of ours. She is weakening... slowly... but steadily...

I speak of the monk known as Rose-Tree Dryad who has had her fill of recent spoilers...

She denies that she has broken her vow, but we at LoESRM know better... She is on her way to the dark side...

And we at the dark side are ready to recieve her!!!! Muahahaha!!!!

*Returns to Lair in puff of purple smoke*

~Riella

*Bursts through the Monastery's sacred doors, panting from the exertion of her trek back from the tower*

The minion speaks a falsehood!

She dost not understand that every monk maketh his or her own vows, and that the vows of each art different, and that a member of the Order need not abstain from all spoilers, only those which they feel wilt cause them distress and despoil the Beatific Vision when it Cometh.

Verily, I admit without shame that I hath viewed the recent trailer, for it wast not in mine vows to turn mine eyes from such. I know that I shalt not be shunned by mine fellow monks, and nor shalt guilt cause the taste of cappuccino to seem bitter on mine tongue. And lastly, but never least, I beseech it be known that I pledge mine allegiance to this glorious and sacred Order for ever and ever, 'til mine tree tumbleth to the earth and the last rose dies.

There is talk of a trial at the tower regarding their claims of my "treachery" to the Order, and verily, I hath little wish of entering a place of such bias to be judged. I sent a note with one of the pigeons saying so, and now I believe they art raising the cannons. In sooth, it seems that war may well be approaching these hallowed walls and hallowed halls, and mine dryad heart cries at mine involvement with it.

I hope this may be resolved peacefully, but the death rays of the Rotten seem to indicate that such is not their way.

*Goes to seek reflection in one of the sacred gardens, but smacks the gong again before leaving*

I hope all thy heavy cream turns to butter on thy dreadful ten thousand dish buffet from the resulting vibration, Spoiled Rotten!

^^ Muahaha, your little Rose speaks aright. The cannons are being raised. And there is nothing thou Monks can do to stop us...

Except...

We would consider lowering our cannons and allowing you all to live... for a price...

Hand the Rose-Tree Dryad over to us! As our captive! Muahaha! After all, she is the one who got you all into this scrape in the first place...

~Riella

I beseech you High Knight. Ze Dryad, committed no treachery. Ze claim made against her goes against ze very word that thouest hath wrote, do not try ze Dryad! My own loyalties have been called into question, perhaps there is some law with in ze middle way that I hath missed, but I know ze Dryad hath stayed true to thou own laws.

True or not, she hath got you into a pickle. And the cannons are being pointed... But they could oh-so-easily be pointed away, if only Rose will be given to us...

~Riella

*Stands on four paws between ze monestary and ze cannons*

Thou hath said thyself that perhaps thou had accussed ze wrong one on ze middle way. Very well, thou hath questioned my own transgressions, so I offer my case in place of ze Dryads, for it is obvious that she broke no law, thoust may be right in questioning my own loyalties however, for I hath done so meself. Is not a trial against myself more logical than against ze dryad? Although I feel I broke no law, but turn away your cannons and take my offer, if not and if there be war, thoust have the teeth of a wolf to fear.

OOORRRROOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

*hurries in*

Oh, dear.

Do not sacrifice yourself, Friend Wolf! It is a valiant and noble offer, but not all of us in the Lair have demanded the Dryad be turned over to us. Even now we minions are divided upon the issue and we have not yet heard from our Overlord.

My apologies, O Monks, for the intrusion. *bows* I am a member of the Lair, but I mean no harm. While some of my fellow minions wish to be mortal enemies of yourselves, not all of us do. I think you have pronounced your own doom by abstaining from that which is spoilerish in any amount, but to each his own. It is not a matter of life and death and therefore there need be no contention. After the Great Viewing, we can argue all we like about the outcome, but what comes before means little when we have reached what is after. Let it be known that if the Monastery goes to war against the Lair I am, and shall remain to the end, a minion and will fight against you. But I would rather not go to war, they make me late for dinner.

*bows again and exits as quietly as she can*

Verily, I admit without shame that I hath viewed the recent trailer, for it wast not in mine vows to turn mine eyes from such. I know that I shalt not be shunned by mine fellow monks, and nor shalt guilt cause the taste of cappuccino to seem bitter on mine tongue.

Verily, I also hath viewed the trailer, which accounts for my almost un-monkly glee at the moment. I dist violate no vow therein, so all is well.

Avant, Riella, Silver-Tongued Speaker. Thou and thy companions hast no claim here--unless thou too wish to repent of overmuch spoilers and seek peaceful contemplation in our gardens?

Gramercy, kind wolf, for thy defense of our walls. *is not entirely sure of the proper way to address a wolf politely* They hast been builded strong, so e'n if those from yon Lair fire off their cannons we can watch the fireworks in perfect safety.

Alas, but I do not think our cannons work like that. Unless someone's been tinkering with them when I was away building nuclear power plants in the valley. They're meant to be ion cannons for destroying the cappuccino machine, not maiming people. That would be silly, because then they couldn't come over to the Dark Side of Spoilerdom! Bwahahahahahaha! Unless I unleashed a vial of zombie flu on their corpses and reanimated them as Spoiler Zombie Warriors. Oooo, this could be interesting.