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[Closed] Order of the Spoiler Free Monastery

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wolfloversk
(@wolfloversk)
The Wandering, Wild & Welcoming Winged Wolf Hospitality Committee

Suddenly ze wolf breaks out in laughter after conversing with ze canines

Hah! zey were not trying to attack zeir master at all! Zey were after ze food zat be hidden in his pockets :P Smells like cookies I mayst add...

Ohh Be-eth ye ok dear Dryad! Oh I do wish I had ze juice of ze fireflower on me...

Hears a large snarl in ze distance

GASP! Hath ye heard zat?! I believe it be *whispers* Khazann!

"The mountains are calling and I must go, and I will work on while I can, studying incessantly." -John Muir
"Be cunning, and full of tricks, and your people will never be destroyed." -Richard Adams, Watership Down

Posted : December 9, 2010 1:45 pm
The Rose-Tree Dryad
(@rose)
Secret Garden Agent Moderator

The dryad's noggin collided with a tree trunk with a loud smack, and she lay sprawled on the grass watching the stars caper by her eyes in a daze. Something small and soft bounced off her nose—another one ricocheted off of her cheek—another landed in her mouth!

Marphmelloph! cried the dryad, her mouth full! :D/

For it wast indeed the resplendent delectation that had been the object of the noble quest; the dryad was sure of that. Never before had she tasted—besides Monastery™ cappuccino, of course!—so a delicious and spoiler-free a confection. Even the beloved Biscotti paled in comparison.

Fellow monks! Good Wolf, and trusty animals! After many trials and tribulations, faceplants and facepalms, we hath at long last reached the fabled—

But here the dryad's delighted words were interrupted by a fearsome growl.

She looked up and saw to her terror a dreadful creature. It could only be Khazann. He was a wolf, and yet. . . somehow not. Much larger than the noble Wolf of the questing party, he bore terrible scars and cruel spikes grew from his spine and legs, and clearly did not believe in grooming. His eyes were scarlet with anger and greed, and his fangs were long and yellow and an excellent example for why teeth should be brushed everyday. His fearsome countenance was made all the more alarming by the lovely and calm countryside he stood against.

He opened his awful jaws and spoke in a feral and furious voice. . . .

Posted : December 9, 2010 4:18 pm
wolfloversk
(@wolfloversk)
The Wandering, Wild & Welcoming Winged Wolf Hospitality Committee

"...Hah! You thought you could be so noble and brave to come to the marshmellooww tree. But you shalt not last long." Then he opened his jaws and let out a ferocious half snarl-half howl.

Doth not retreat my dearest freinds. If ze beast continues to roam as he doth now he shall take over ze entire world on ze web... we must defeat him! For NarniaWeb!!!

And so zey braced zemselves for what was to come, but zen ze cunning wolf had an idea...inspired by ze Dryad
Just as he was about to sink his teeth into her fur, she carefully pricked a stick of of a nearby thornbush, and stuck it in ze creatures mouth, just as he closed it...

Well ze creature's face turned red with pain... he scouled and yelped and howled, and for a second ye could almost feel sorry for ze brute... almost...
At last ze creature retreated into his cave, and he 'twas not heard of again, 'least not far a while...

Silver! Rose! Winter! Dark Lord! Echo! Cousins and freinds look! We are free of ze beast and here 'tis ze tree. Hazahhh!

Or shalt I say...

AAAHHHHOOOOOORRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"The mountains are calling and I must go, and I will work on while I can, studying incessantly." -John Muir
"Be cunning, and full of tricks, and your people will never be destroyed." -Richard Adams, Watership Down

Posted : December 9, 2010 4:36 pm
The Rose-Tree Dryad
(@rose)
Secret Garden Agent Moderator

The tree shook from the sound waves of the noble Wolf's most epic of howls, and the marshmallows fell from its boughs like rain. Laughing, the monks caught them in the folds of their monkish robes, and quick Etiteppa snatched more out of the air than anyone else. They all sat down and snacked on a few, but most were saved for the others back at the Monastery, and all were eager to get back to that beloved sanctuary.

Arms laden with the goodies, the questers traveled back to the cave with the animals that had accompanied them, and would have been on their way had Echo not insisted they bring her collection of yarn, too. It took a bit of time to haul them all up out of the cave, but Silver's horse Sandy and the More-of-a-Horse-than-a-Dog were wonderfully helpful in carrying them. The questers soon met up with the others that had gotten separated from the band when the dryad suddenly decided to give spelunking a try, and found the Lady Wanderer sitting up in a tree singing a really marvelous little tune.

Say. . . that remindeth me of a song! :D

*Insert epic musical monkish dance number* ;)

The monks went to the mountain
The monks went to the mountain
The monks went to the mountain
All plucky and wearing blindfolds
To find delectables untold

The monks arrived at the mountain
The monks arrived at the mountain
The monks arrived at the mountain
To hear a frightening sound
Of a frightening hound

The monks went under the mountain
The monks went under the mountain
The monks went under the mountain
To explore an ancient mine
And meet a sweet feline

The monks came out of the mountain
The monks came out of the mountain
The monks came out of the mountain
To find a spoiled rotten fellow treed
And to kindly intercede

The monks went down the mountain
The monks went down the mountain
The monks went down the mountain
To then crash into a tree
Because of a goat's gluttony

The monks stood by the mountain
The monks stood by the mountain
The monks stood by the mountain
In need of rescuing
By a good wolf's quick thinking

The monks went back to the mountain
The monks went back to the mountain
The monks went back to the mountain
Singing loud, high and low
Arms laden with marshmallow

The monks went away from the mountain
The monks went away from the mountain
The monks went away from the mountain
Back home to the Monastery
To good friends and karmonized coffee!

The monks found their way back home, though it took a little longer than usual, owing to the blindfolds and Etiteppa's need to stop and examine anything that looked remotely edible. At long last, however, they arrived at their beloved Monastery, and shared with all the delicious marshmallows, and everybody found them to be even more delightful when all melty on top of a steaming mug of cappuccino. The noble Wolf was given a goodly number to share with her fellow pilgrims, and thanked for her courage in defending the monks during their quest. There was much merry-making and marshmallow-munching, and the festival carried well into the night until the Moment of Truth came and the Beatific Vision had arrived, and by then all the monks were so hyped up on caffeine and sugar, none of them had trouble staying awake during the midnight showing. ;)

There is not much else to tell, other than that the entire quest was made into a musical, and the aforementioned song was performed so many times, the other monks began to wonder if the marshmallows had really been worth it. But of course they were. ;)

The End. ;))

Posted : December 9, 2010 6:18 pm
Silver the Wanderer
(@silver-the-wanderer)
NarniaWeb Junkie

And Silver, who had been standing there the whole time like any good monk would, brought forth from the pocket of her cloak a tiny sprig, with silver bark and golden leaves - an offspring from the legendary marshmallow tree which she had picked up from the ground. Marshmallow cappuccino in hand, she went out to the Monastery's garden and planted it there, in hopes of growing a marshmallow tree right here, so that all future monks may enjoy its marshmallowy, spoiler-free goodness without having to face the dreaded Khazaan again.

Ahhh, art these marshmallows not the sweetest thou hast ever tasted? Try some more, there's plenty!

*sips on her cappuccino, hoping that its lovely taste will be enough to get her through the day until she beholds the Great Viewing this evening* :D

Av and Sig by Aravis Autarkeia

Posted : December 9, 2010 11:32 pm
Meltintalle
(@mel)
Member Moderator

*The Lady Wanderer is quite pleased to enjoy a cup of cappuccino, enjoying the wonderful marshmallows the other brave questors found, and watching the musical version*

I am most fond of quests where I don't have to do anything! :D

*scribbleth on a bit of parchment*

I am the monk
that doesn't do anything
I just sit at home and lie around
and if you ask me
to do anything
I'll just tell you
I don't do anything...

Hmmmm. Perchance I canst give this to our lyricist for a tune-up...

;))

We have hands that fashion and heads that know,
But our hearts we lost - how long ago! -- G. K. Chesterton

Posted : December 10, 2010 4:15 am
narnianerd
(@assistant-lord-of-the-little-ponies)
NarniaWeb Guru

The stress of not being able to view the spoiler the past few weeks has built up... It has been killing me. I can no longer be a monk, and therefore, since the movie has been released... I resign from my monkish position.

Therefore I will follow the way of the Jetblue flight attendant and abandon ship, without the cursing of course. Or the stolen beer... In my case I shall take three Dr. Pepper's, a cappuccino and a freshly toast bagel, simply for good measure.

Grabs megaphone and yells at the top of his lungs PEACE OUT SUCKERS! Jumps in cannon and shoots himself up, through the skylight and into the outside world FAREWELL MY FELLOW MONKS!!!!

I really should of thought this through... Hey is that the gro- ooff.

If you ain't first, you're last.

Posted : December 10, 2010 4:30 am
FencerforJesus
(@fencerforjesus)
NarniaWeb Guru

In the next hour and a half, mine Spoiler Free vows shalt be fullfilled. I shalt now depart the hallowed walls as I begin mine journey from mine state of meditation and maketh mine way towards the theater where I shalt behold the glorious viewing. Upon mine return, I shalt report the worthiness of our cause yet again as those that remain Spoiler free shalt behold the viewing with purity of mind and a glory that the Spoiled Rotten shalt never know. So to those that stood strong in the times and trials of tempatations I salute ye.

Be watching for the release of my spiritual warfare novel under a new title: "Call to Arms" by OakTara Publishing. A sequel (title TBD) will shortly follow.

Topic starter Posted : December 10, 2010 7:11 am
Puddleglum
(@puddleglum)
NarniaWeb Junkie

Well now it looks like I'm one of the few who has yet to make the trip to the cinima. Unfortunatly I must still wait another day, and a half. All in good time I suppose.

Meltintalle. That tune sounds a bit familiar. Were you by chance into piracy as a child?
Glancing ou the window to the courtyard below.
Has anyone seen the First-Aid-Kit? Looks like an errant-Monk took a swan dive into the Monestary's front Yard. We might need some splints, and duct tape.

Posted : December 10, 2010 1:51 pm
Puddleglum
(@puddleglum)
NarniaWeb Junkie

Well filks, I'm off to the cinema. I will sit with un-biased mind, while munching stale pop-corn, and overly sweetened carbonated water.
If my bladder holds I shll see every last moment til the ending credits.
I shall tender my report in a few hours.

Posted : December 12, 2010 10:15 am
MountainFireflower
(@mountainfireflower)
Member Moderator Emeritus

My dear monks!

I saw VDT yesterday. How many of you have seen it? I notice that Puddleglum is seeing it today. The Monastery seems somewhat abandoned (understandable, as there is no way to remain spoiler free after seeing the movie. ;)) ) I can't wait to hear what you all think of VDT.

I must confess that in the past couple days, spoiled though I may be, I started to act very monkish when I realized how much the reviews I was reading were affecting my opinion of the Grand Viewing. I am glad that some of my dear monk friends have now been enlightened after the Grand Viewing. Do you all think being spoiler-free was helpful? For me it was, at least abstaining from the reviews helped keep my mind and opinions clear.

I will enjoy hearing what you all think of it, and perhaps you may now come visit the lair. :)

-Your Conversational Minion

av by dot

Posted : December 12, 2010 11:23 am
Quinlin
(@quinlin)
NarniaWeb Fanatic

Hello fellow monks,

Into here cometh Quinlin, to utter words of truth, that I, through all the merciless attempts to be tempteth with spoiler material, hath survived all toils and miraculously cameth to the premiere of this beloved chronicle. Upon the 10th night of December, I stepped out of my humble abode and trod towards my sleigh as I commenced my trip through the darkness to the cinemas for my first viewing of the long awaited film itself. There I sat and waited until I embarked on a journey unlike any other. I loved the film more so than I could have even imagineth and sat spellbound until the very end. All concerns and doubt were swept away as I sailed with the Dawn Treader. At the end, all final qualms that may hath remaineth within me were washed away, as those last moments, so special to me in the book, now cameth together perfectly before my eyes. I shed many tears during this beautiful film and even to think about it now, reminds me of that magical day... :)

After all this time, I cannot believe that this grand moment, for while waiting, I had to consume brobdingnagian amounts of chocolate in order to consoleth myself from the spoilers that I had vowed to abstain from, that this very day is now behind us. And although I much saddened to thinkith that 'tis all passed so quickly, I will forever rememberith in my heart and keepeth with me this most wondrous occasion.

Never will I regret my sleepless nights, wherein I layeth beneath the moonlight, thinking of what was to be found within the new footage and pictures on Narniaweb...for as I hath always believed, 'tis always all the more magical when one sees something so special to them, without any knowledge of what lays ahead. So now, when all has passed and another beloved story hath been brought to life, I now departeth to ponder and recall all that I hath seen and to writeth down my thoughts and memories from that day.

I wish all ye fellow monks good well and for a most happy voyage upon the Dawn Treader! :)

~Quin


We have nothing, if not belief.
—C.S. Lewis

Posted : December 12, 2010 2:19 pm
FencerforJesus
(@fencerforjesus)
NarniaWeb Guru

I hath returned from my second glorious viewing. The first solo on Friday and the second today with mine parents. I must say, those of the Spoiled Rotten couldst not enjoyeth this movie. They now wallow in thier misery for having known too much going into it and having their spoiled expectations not met. As for me with my monkish, spoiler-free ways wast able to truly enjoy the movie. The movie was awesome but I shant spoil it for those who still hold on to thine vows. But I shalt say that the wait and being spoiler free is worth it.

Be watching for the release of my spiritual warfare novel under a new title: "Call to Arms" by OakTara Publishing. A sequel (title TBD) will shortly follow.

Topic starter Posted : December 12, 2010 2:34 pm
Matsi
(@matsi)
NarniaWeb Nut

^ You are right! I didn't enjoy this movie as much as I think I would if I were not spoiled rotten! If SC gets greenlit I will try with all my might to be spoiler free...


-sig and av by Kira- Thanks!
Team Hoodie!

Posted : December 12, 2010 3:11 pm
wolfloversk
(@wolfloversk)
The Wandering, Wild & Welcoming Winged Wolf Hospitality Committee

Hiya monks I might spend more time around here as I'm beginning to cut back from spoilers...

~signed,
Ze Pilgrim Wolf

"The mountains are calling and I must go, and I will work on while I can, studying incessantly." -John Muir
"Be cunning, and full of tricks, and your people will never be destroyed." -Richard Adams, Watership Down

Posted : December 12, 2010 3:22 pm
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