Ah, but Overlord, ye hath never partaken the Monastery's special blend of harmonizing cappuccino, hast ye? Therefore ye cannot know if the gluttony of the ten thousand dish buffet holdeth a candle its wholesome and karmic delights. It tickleth me greatly that those who art so allegedly enlightened know not the delectation of the holy cappuccino. I shouldst be very disposed to give mine own rendition of triumphant laughter, were it not for the fact that there art people meditating.

*Greets the newcomers and dunkeths one of Djaq's cookies in her cup of cappuccino*

To all thee poor souls still attempting refuge from the delights of spoilery goodness...

Have ye not already read the ultimate spoiler?

THEE BOOKE?

All ye fancy monks and mediators, doest thee not already think thou knows the plot of the movie without viewing a single so-called "spoiler"?

Thou has already seen the juices of the plot of the book, such as the the Dawn Treader's stated Voyage, the introduction of the fiery young lad Eustace, and the reprise of Edmund, Lucy, Caspian, and Reepicheep as chief protagonists. Doesn't thou already have a clear idea of what thou wishest to see in the film? And yet, doesn't thou know that what thouest expects will certainly not be fully achieved and that changes willeth inevitably be made?

Now wouldn't it not be better to indulge in the juicy spoilers, and comfort thy mind with fair warning of the changes that willest come, rather than clinging to the delusional faith that thou will see thine favorite scenes from thee booke transformed into glorious, flawless visions before ye eyes?

Isn't it better to grasp the knowledge of the truth, no matter how comforting or reassuring thy fanciful delusion mayest be?

Oh, hello.Just wandering in some of these new buildings you humans have been putting up. Visited the other one. Kind of a mess by the food bar.
Excuse me. (Goes back to door and wipes feet). I keep forgetting to not bring the marsh-mud in. Sorry.
I heard there was a cappacino, (is that how you say it?) in here. Never had one. I figure you should always try something once before you say you don't like it.
I promise not to say anything of spoilers while resting my webbed feet in here. But walking the middle way tends to be a bit of an exercise.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!! I placed a small dimensional portal in your cappuccino machine to siphon off my own private supply for sipping as I sit in my office atop the Tower of Enlightenment and view with pleasure the latest spoilers.

I beggeth of thee thy pardons, my fellow knights, monks, nuns, and visitors from middleway. My ecstasy at finding refuge from the wide land of Spare Oom and the pirates which now ravage it immanently hath caused me to afford incomplete attention to the words of our High Knight Fencer. I hath not shared openly of my vow to abstinence, so that I may be held accountable unto my sins.

I, upon my honor, do take the oath of the Order of the Spoiler Free Monastery that I shall partake of no Delectables of Spoilment until the time be ripe and the Glorious Appearance of the Great Film the Third shall come into it's age. I shall abstain and remain faithful.

I shall also place monkish poison in this machine of cappuchino, so that I might be rid eternally of that malevelent tempter, thee Bookwyrm, who seeketh to lead me astray. Begone, Worm of Books!

(I goeth away now to laugh in secret meditation at the most high nerdiness of myself and these others who speak yet still in this mindless butcher of Olde English).

Ye hast many good points, Aslan's most loyal of Minotaurs. But forsooth, it is not for the preservation of hopes and fallacy that I turn mine eyes and mind from the likes of the Spoiler. For indeed, I hath read the Great Spoiler, the blessed book itself, and yet we all fear the film may not be like the story we hold so beloved, for alterations are often inevitable when translating a book to the most mystical and silver of screens. I shouldst choose to but wait and be seated in the theater before I judge, rather than form opinions about what I have heard and let mine fears taint my sight before I hast given the film a chance. So verily, I shall avert mine eyes from any more major information which hence cometh, and try mightily to avert mine thoughts from what I hast already been unfortunate to stumble upon, so the film mayhaps wilt be better able to earn my favor.

It hath occurred to me that I have yet to come greet all of ye who are residing in the Monastery. Therefore I send my greetings to you all. I am a pilgrim, a wolf traveling the middleroad taking in the sights and scents of the forest as I see fit. Fear not, I shalt not mention any spoilers within these walls.

Also as accute as my nose is, did I smell cookies over here? Perhaps you have a few extra for a wandering wolf?

Bwahaahahhahahahaha!! I am immune to all known poisons and most of the unknown ones as well! But it was a deliciously wicked attempt and I salute your cunning. I do believe there's something of a Mastermind within you.

Does't thou thinketh that because I doth not post for a few hours that I am not awareth of thine assault on our beloved Monastery? I must sayeth that ChristProclamer's attempt is clever. Especially considering that we of the Order drinketh not out that cappucino machine. Twas a mere set-up so that those who claim to be Spoiler-Free yet are in heart of the vile Spoiler Empire might make thier presence known. For only those whose hands and mind art Spoiler Free shalt know where the real cappucino machine art located. And those whose hands and mind art tainted by the Spoiler, thy mark shalt be left so we of the Order shalt know who attempteth to invade our beloved Monestary. But thee, Worm of Books, shalt be wise if thou guardeth thine own walls, for thou shalt not know the hour of my return to rescue the lost souls within thy imprisoning All-You-Can-Eat Buffet and poisonous Spoilers. Thine traps hath already failed once, they shalt fail again.

*appears at the door of the Monastery, and knocks (quietly, so as not to disturb the meditation which is probably taking place somewhere within it's hallowed walls)*

Beeth anyone present? I have come, not to join your most honorable and holy order (for I am not worthy to do so), but to deliver a parcel to my most beloved and honorable sister who I have been informed has joined your order. I fear she may be in need of these in days to come as I, being unofficially spoiled rotten, might unintentionally announce some spoilerish information which I have learned in my travels.
*produces a package containing earplugs and duct tape* Please give them to her with my love. She will understand what their purpose is. Oh, and a scarf as well; it may do thou some good if thou decide to pursue a quest during thy stay.

*bows and waves a farewell* I bid you all a safe and spoiler-free day! May the blessings of Aslan be on you all!

--- flambeau

P.S. Might I partake of a cookie before I depart? I have had a long journey to reach this place.

*wanders in*

Hail, gracious walls! Hail, Cappuccino Maker, dispenser of sustenance, not gluttony. Hail, brethren and sistren, fellows in anticipation! Long hast I dreamed of returning here to patiently await the vision. I hath bound mine eyes with a strip of cloth to dim such spoilers as scattered my road; and I am blessed beyond measure with a memory of forgetting...

Sooth, though thus equipped, I had almost despaired of making it to the wintry months without departing from the high vistas of the Middle Way and falling into a Sea of Spoilers, but now I am secure in mine vows: I shalt read no more newstories that do not contain an official trailer, I shalt avoid any hope of hearing the soundtrack beforehand, I shalt verily avoid all merchandise that is not a perfect bound codex or personal adornment.

As a member of this Monastary, I hold dear the ideal that every vision should be viewed with a pure heart that the changes might assail us with harsh clarity undimmed by half-formed perceptions and rationalisations. Only then may it be measured against the movie of our dreams. If indeed a second viewing can reconcile us to the changes, yea verily all is well. If we remain unmoved by pretty sights, our inner vision remains to us.

Verily She Who is Free of the Title Clips and Lady Wanderer of the Monastery hath spoken. If once I held a more auspicious title, I hath forgotten it and must needs cling to this moniker bestowed by a Spoiled Friend.

*muncheth a cookie and sits beside a solid wall basking in serenity undimmed by Spoilerish wights and visitors*

Wiped my feet this time.
Hello (trying to be as quiet as possible to not disturb anyone, but probably not succeeding).
Thought I might come in out of the rain. Though I know it's sunny, and warm outside right now, you never know when the weather might change for the worse.
Tryed some of your cappa-stuff earlier. Must not appeal to marsh-wiggles. Anyway I will just take a rest in the corner there. If I snore to loud just throw a blanket over me to muffle the noise

(Behold, smacks a gong very hard ...)

Permissum sanctus corrumpo vota suscipio denuo.

Have ye not already read the ultimate spoiler?

THEE BOOKE?

Alas and alack, for with regards to this upcoming Beatific Vision, I doubt the book shalt serve as much of a spoiler beyond a few factors:

- A ship that is named the Dawn Treader.
- People who are called "Edmund," "Lucy," "Eustace," "Prince" Caspian, etc.
- Some places similar in theme and setting to places found in the book therein, though in much different order and ofttimes combined.

Now I cry thee mercy, for as has been revealed, I hath indeed been in deep and solemn meditation these many days, and hath tarried in opening this august Order, with its sacred halls and stony walls, and that honor hath instead fallen to another. For lo, thou I hath been for five years the Most High Reverend Father of the Order of the Spoiler-Free Monastery, this third such incarnation of this august (or October) Order hath brought me to great weeping, wailing, even gnashing thereof of teeth.

(Click, click, click, grinnnd ... rrr-rrr-rrr, click, click-click-click ...)

Until this point I hath, indeed, partaken of spoilers, and for the very reasons inscribed by WiseWoman, long the Speaker of Symbolism and of Wisdom of the Order. I hath not avoided Spoilers, however, so as to prevent rising expectations, but taken Spoilers unto myself so as to prevent rising expectations. For woe, woe, woooooe ...

WHOA! WHY THE OBJECT-ORIENTED-QUEST-FANTASY CLICHES WHERE THEY SO DID NOT STINKING BELONG?!?

(Straightens, resumes august pose, in October, and straightens wrinkled front of robes in a fashion reminiscent of Captain Jean-Luc Picard with his Starfleet uniform.)

Be at peace. I hath recovered. For now.

As I was uttering, woe, they hath made many changes unto the Beatific Vision, soon to assume the point at which, as the Speaker of Symbolism hath said, the Vision shalt no longer be beatific.

Thus unto myself I saith, Self, thou shalt partake of Spoilers, and thou shalt espy these changes as much as thou canst, provided they are nice and fresh, and thou shalt reset thine expectations for the Vision and not partake in the space of two hours the horror, misery, woe and pain that couldst have been saved by espying Spoilers for fortnights beforehand.

Herewith I hath indeed partaken of said Spoilers, for this hath seemed good to me. Yet with this partaking came a new dilemma: what, then, to do of this Holy Order, its members who pursue purity, its hallowed halls and hallowed walls, its maker of harmonized energetic karmic cappucino (or if thou dost prefer, another flavor of cappucino, of the karmic energized harmony variety therein)?

In the dark recesses that art my tortured noggin I wrestled with mineself, likeunto a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

Thou canst make unto thinself another Vow, came one quiet voice. "Though Spoilers be tempting, and guilt heavy," it said, "grace is sure available to thee, if only thou hath humility to admit thy failings."

Then from mine other shoulder came a rejoinder: "Don't listen to that guy! He's trying to lead you down the path of righteousness! I'm gonna lead you down the path that ROCKS."

Amongst these mine own heart hath waged debate within itself, and to this very hour I remain undecided and unsure of spirit.

Wilt thou, my brethren and sistern, aid me in this decision?

Wilt thou accept me even as they leader despite my sins, for lo, it is proven so effective in the circles of televangelists and cult leaders that even despite their adulteries, their embezzlements, and their heresies, they art no good reasons to step down and stop being in charge?

And while thou art deliberating amongst thineselves, shalt thou also pass me a nice hot steaming mug of energized harmonic karmas from the cappucino maker, part of this complete breakfast?

Thank thou. Blessings to thou.

"Aaaahhhh .... ooohhhh ... ahhhhh ..... ooohhhhh .... aiiiiieeeeahhhh."

Pies su Dominae! Bangs head with tablet
Donna eis Requiem! Bangs head with tablet
Pies su Dominae! Bangs head with tablet
Donna eis Requiem! Bangs head with tablet

Behold, blessed Order of the Spoiler-Free, our beloved Most High Reverend hath returned from his meditation. Thou hast come to a very difficult decision point. Shouldst thou stay in the Monastery, repent of thy deeds, and remain our beloved leader? Or shouldst thou step down in pursuit of the Spoiler? Having been our beloved leader for the previous two viewings, ye should take the time to make the decision.

Ye understandeth, unlike our enemy, the League of the Extrodinary Spoiled Rotten Members, the true nature of the Spoiler. Which is why thou hast not enforced a pure abstination of all Spoilers to enter the Order. That is one I hath continued to enforce when I opened the doors of these hallowed walls. But allow me to offer some advice.

Thou knowest that for the glorious viewing of the first film, I became thy High Knight to protect the souls here who seek to remain free. However, thou I retained the Title of High Knight for the viewing of the second film, Prince Caspian, I must confess that I wast more of a Pilgrim, who would wander to and fro, while still protecting these hallowed walls from the Spoiler. I did not seek Spoiler like the glutton seeks food, but I did not intentionally avoid them. I wast aware of some of the plot changes for PC beyond the official trailers. But didst they assist my in beholding a glorious viewing? I darest say no. For I knew before the Spoiler, that many changes must be made in the translation from book to film. And I knowest now, even with having seen very few spoilers for this third film, that many changes have been needed to be made in the translation as well. You knowest this as well. Hast the Spoilers thou already vieweth ruined thy beautific vision? I canst say, because the Spoiler hath different effects of different people.

But know this: If thou chooseth to step down from the Order, it is thy choice and thou we loath to see thee depart, we know that all things change. This Order shalt continue even in thy absence and many shalt receive a purity of mind within the scared walls. Also, if thou chooseth to make a new vow and remain with the Order, thy sins are in the past. I hath preached with the opening of these doors that the Order careth not about what Spoilers thou hast seen prior to the opening of these beloved walls. For the past is the past. If thou maketh a new vow, thou shalt remain Most High Reverend. For no leader is perfect, unless that leader is the Glorious Almighty himself who hath a representation of a Great Lion, and as thou hast forgiven us for both past sins and sins during our vows, we shalt forgive thee.

Be at peace in thy decision, Most High Reverend and do what thou needeth to do. Worry not about our beloved Monastery as I shalt personally seek to keep the doors open for the lost and weary, and I shalt protect it from the attacks of the Spoiler.

Walks into monastery to tempt the spoiler free monks, picks up a megaphone and begins shouting

Why do thou art torture thou self with needless evasion of knowledge? Ignorance is not a virtue, but a curse! For those who eat the spoiled rotten tomatoes are sure to get knowledge of the good, and the evils.

Ye monks sit around twittering your thumbs and chanting mantra while we immerse ourselves in the ever growing pool of wonderful spoilers. Soaking up every single tidbit of news we can find.

Isith the utter rottenness of spoilers not tempting? Come to the dark side. We have cookies…. Erm, all you can eat buffets!