Authorities in North Dakota have reported that the Loch Ness monster was spotted the coast. Nessie was being held captive by two Goldfish. The Goldfish were apparently trying to extract information on the construction of intergalactic missiles. Spies have reported that the mythical creature will only hand over the information if all the capital's lettuce is handed over to her. A ransom of 2,000,000 Pesos has been offered by the Goldfish. They best way to survive an intergalactic missile attack is to do the Hoky Poky.

Authorities in the Galactic Sector #2134823.1 have reported that the Loch Ness Monster was spotted out of her natural range. Nessie was being held captive by two Goldfish. The Goldfish were apparently trying to extract information on the construction of an inter-dimensional Time and Space portal. Spies have reported that the mythical creature will only hand over the information if all the universes' lettuce is handed over to her. A ransom of 2,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Galactic Credits has been offered by the Goldfish. The best way to pass the... Time, while going through a time portal is to do the Chicken Dance.

Authorities in the Galactic Sector #1337133713371337 have reported that the Loch Ness Monster was spotted out of his natural range. Nessie was being held captive by 50 Cats. The Cats are apparently trying to destroy everything in existence and are using Nessie as a power source for a really powerful weapon. Spies have reported that the mythical creature will only work as a power source if all the universes' lettuce is fed to her. A ransom of 2,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Galactic Credits has been offered by the Cats. Authorities in the Galactic Sector #1337133713371337 are offering a 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Galactic Credit reward for anyone who can free Nessie from the Cats and a 2,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Galactic Credit reward for anyone who can capture the Cats. The best way to pass the time while being destroyed with a powerful weapon is to do the Chicken Dance while doing the Hokey-Pokey (don't ask me how, I don't know myself).

Scientists studying Galactic Sector #1337133713371337 have released reports saying their telescopes have taken pictures of the Loch Ness Monster floating through space near a constellation known as "The Cats". No one is sure yet how the creature has survived, but some suspect that it may be feeding off of lettuce and old missile fuel which had also been released into space. Experts are advising everyone to do the Chicken Dance while doing the Hokey-Pokey. "If anyone wants to know how to do this," one of the scientists stated, "ask me, because I know."

~Riella

Scientists studying Galactic Sector #133-713-371-337-1337 have released reports saying their telescopes have taken pictures of the Loch Ness Monster floating through the street sing songs from the musical known as "Cats". No one is sure yet how the creature has survived, but some suspect that it may be feeding off of lettuce and old missile fuel which had also been lost by space explorers. Non-Experts are advising everyone to do the Chicken Dance while singing "Gangnam Style". "If anyone wants to know how to do this," one of the scientists stated, "don't ask me, because only my wife knows."

Non-experts of the dance known as "Gangnam Style" have reported seeing the cast of "Cats" teaching the Loch Ness Monster how to study Galactic Sectors. No one is sure why they have taken up this occupation. Though some guess it may be because the Loch Ness Monster has information regarding the lettuce and old missile fuel which has recently, and mysteriously, been found in space.

~Riella

New headline!

"Horsemeat scandal a 'storm in a teacup' says Iceland chief - as he accuses schools of using 'dodgy, backstreet' meat"

"Teacup scandal a 'storm in a horse' says Greenland chief - as he requires schools to using 'catty, main street' meat"

Chipped teacup scandal a 'storm in a house' says Greenland mailman - as he urges schools to use 'squishy, main street' vegetables.

Schools urged mailmen on mainstreet to avoid houses containing squishy vegetables. A scandal broke out claiming that squishy vegetables which come from such houses are even known to chip tea cups during storms.

~Riella

Mailmen urged schools to avoid chipped teacups and squishy vegetables for fear of the children's health

New headline:

"Children Don't Know Who the Beatles are, says Royal Opera Boss: Britian is a philistine country whose children aren't even aware of the Sixties, Antonio Pappano has claimed."

Children Don't Know What the Royal Opera House is, Antonio Pappano has claimed. Britian suggests this may be because the Beatles were philistines, a stance that has made bands popular with children since the Sixties.

~Riella

Children Don't Know What the Sidney Opera House is, Antonio Pappano has claimed. Australia suggests this may be because the Beatles were philistines, a stance that has made banks popular with children since the Sixties.

Children Don't Know What the Sidney Opera House is, Mr. Fake Namerstein has claimed. The United States of America suggests this may or may not be because the Beatles were philistines, a stance that has made the number Googolplex popular with children since the Fifties.