Oh dear! That claw must have fallen off last year's dragon decorations when we were removing it, in preparation for the Chinese New Year of the Snake which starts on 28th January, this year! Of course, we will replace your Wonton Soup with Sweetcorn, without charge.

Waiter! There is a boomerang in my soup!

@ Courtenay: I was hoping someone with Scottish connections would "get" it.

Scottish connections: 1. Husband (Falkirk); 2. Great-grandfather (Glasgow via Dunedin); Great, great, great-grandmother; (Greenock - never let it be said that there weren't any Scottish-born convicts ). 

Just leave it there, madame - it'll return to the chef momentarily.

Waiter, there's a fork in my soup!

The fork is very useful to fish out those delicious wontons, which I believe you ordered, though the soup spoon we also provided should make sure that you will be able to manage. Enjoy your meal!  

Waiter! There is a tax return in my soup!

Oh, very sorry about that. Just return the soup, and we'll refund you, tax and all.

Waiter! there's an ivory tusk in my soup!

Oh dear! I'm afraid I will have to ring the police and our very strict customs. Ivory tusks or anything like them are verboten in these parts of the world, and as long as I have worked here, I believe it is a law-abiding establishment. My apologies, at any inconvenience that this incident might cause you. 

Waiter! There is a pirate's cutlass in my soup! 

Oh, yeah, funny story - yesterday, a pirate from the coast of Tasmania was stuck in a 'soup' and swore that he'd give his cutlass to the 'soup' if only it'd let up. It did, and it took the cutlass. Are you interested in selling the weapon?

Waiter! I've got a banana peel in my soup!