He was pestering me and pestering me, what was I supposed to do?

You pulled my seat away from me while I was sitting down and I fell on the floor!

A black widow was on the chair, and it was heading towards you. I also swatted it afterwards, so you're safe now.

You sabotaged my plans to save the world from a mad scientist in a way that made the speakers play Super Mario Bros. theme, instead of playing a specific frequency that would have broken the glass at the top of the giant robot of doom, which would have allowed me to get in!

Eh, I wanted to do it my own way. Don't complain, at least the world is saved.

I was enjoying the weather outdoors until you made it rain!

I like to sing in the rain, Sorry!

I was at the Zoo and you told the tigers to jump on me!

I told them to jump on the person behind you, because he was about to shoot them. They just thought I meant you. At least I made them jump on the right person in time, and prevented them from jumping on you when I realized my mistake!

You tried to shoot the tigers at the zoo!

They were gnawing on my thigh.

You shot me. . . twice!

It was a shrinking gun, I had to shoot you a second time to return you to normal.

You put cockroaches in my cereal!

Cockroaches get hungry too!

You killed my Cockroaches!

They had grown to the size of rats and were tormenting my baby kittens.

I just hung my laundry out on the clothes line to dry and found that you had smeared mud all over my clean whites!

They were robots in disguise, and I had to do it. They were about to take over the world!

You made robots that look like white clothes, and started selling them with standard clothes, just so you could take over the world!

Come on, anyone smart enough to make robots that look like white clothes has to be smart enough to rule the world wisely, right?

You broke the TV remote!

Well then stop changing channels while I'm trying to watch my show! Sheesh!

You put an explosive device in my DVD player!

sorry, it would have blown up your house so I had to find a way to contain it!

You ripped holes in my PJ pants!

well, to start with, it wasn't technically me, it was my dog, and it's really your fault for leaving you PJ pants lying around on the floor where my dog could get them

You glued me to my bed while I was sleeping!!

Oh so that's where I left my tube of glue. I must have dropped it when I was making your bed. sorry about that.

You stole my door knob.