the bird was hungry

you threw my dog out the window and he broke his legs!

It was merely self defense. I didn't know you had a pit bull.

My fish are dead! I left you in charge of feeding them while I was gone.

Your fish loved you so much that they pined away and refused to eat while you were gone.

My computer crashed after you used it!

It liked me better than you so it refused to work for you.

You were babysitting and you let the kids color on the newly painted walls.

It looks better now than it did before. Who paints their walls dark purple anyway?

You threw the remote through the TV screen.

We were playing on the Wii, and the remote strap broke while I was playing tennis.

You took my car keys, drove off in my new car, and wrecked it!

That was for wrecking mine. Now we're even.

Why did you erase and put your name on my test paper?

Because it was mine...now.

You ate all the pizza!

No, I didn't. The giant purple-people-eater monster did. I had to feed it the pizza, otherwise it would have eaten me!

Why did you tie a can to the cat's tail?

So I can tell the cats apart by the tail. Before that I didn't know if I was seeing the tail of the black cat or the black and white cat.

You came to visit and completely took over running my household!

Well, it was in such a state of disastrous ruins, someone had to take over or it would have completely crumbled around you!

You didn't understand what I said!

Don't blame me, you're the one who is talking so fast and using such funny words, how am I supposed to understand anything at all

You left the house with the dog and came back with out him!

I was practicing talking clearer so you would understand me, and in the mean time the dog ran away!

The lights went out! What were you doing in the basement?

I was practicing ghost stories.

It's 98 degrees outside. Why didn't you give the dog some water?

I was too busy listening to my music

you flushed my lipstick down the toilet!