It was a terrible color! But the I thought the sewer rats might enjoy it!

You stole my joke!

Sorry... I said it first

You drank the last of my fruit juice!

You mean my fruit juice. That's right.

You've pulled out my rare plant!

It's not a native species!
You could have started a massively devistating invasion of introduced plants!

Eh, they'd never have survived the winter anyway.

You dropped the jar of pickles and shattered it!

That's because you screamed and scared me half to death!

Why is all the food in your house past its' expiration date?

Cause it hasn't spoiled yet!

Why did you die my hair green in my sleep!?

You said green was your favorite color and you wanted to try a new hairstyle, so I thought that would be a good surprise--well, a surprise anyway, maybe not so good!

You bought the wrong mayonnaise!

Well forgive me, I didn't know what type you wanted, you didn't make it clear enough

Why are you hiding under my bed?!

There's a wild man-eating dog in the house. I suggest you hide too.

You drove off without me and left me at the store!

You didn't want to buy what I wanted so you can get home yourself

My bedroom walls are bright yellow! What happened???

I had a can of spray paint and wanted to experiment

you dumped me in the pool!

Oh come on where's sense in fun?

You threw my phone off a large cliff!

That's because your phone bill was so high and I couldn't afford it. I decided to stop sharing a plan with you and that seemed the best way to do it and help you give up your obvious phone addiction.

Um, why is there a bear in the bathtub, an baby elephant in the entry way, and a kangaroo in the kitchen?

Because I didn't have enough room for them all in my bedroom!

You didn't call me!