You lose 1 oz. per molecule of chocolate you eat, but you now also gain 50 lbs. per molecule of sugar (or sugar alternatives) you have, and since the only reason chocolate is sweet is because it has sugar, you have to have unsweetened chocolate for the rest of your life.

I wish I could stand the juiciness of juicy fruits.

You can stand the juiciness of juicy fruits but somehow or other every time you eat them you make a MASSIVE mess with the juice. It goes everywhere, covers you and turns you into a sticky glob. Then you have to go take a shower.

I wish I could have a huge batch of Krispy Kreme donuts- gluten free.

You do receive a batch of gluten-free Krispy Kreme donuts, but they don't taste anywhere near as good as regular Krispy Kremes. (Sorry!)

I wish I could take a week off from classes and research and go visit a friend.

You get to take a week off from classes and research and go visit a friend, but the friend you want to visit is a scientist, and he wants you to learn how to mix chemicals to make a new chemical that burns for a whole year (he discovered how to mix chemicals to make a new chemical that does that), so it turns out that you have to take classes anyway (at your friend's house, but still, you have to take classes anyway, and classes are classes).

I wish that I could have 50 more wishes.

we all know that it is illegle to wish for more wishes, since you have done so you are banned from having any contact with the magical realm ever again, and a sprite came and stole your left shoe.

I wish i could make art, read book and drink tea in peace

You can do all these things in peace, but that's only because you are now permanently invisible so no one knows you exist.

I wish I could get the Riders of Rohan expansion on Lotro

Well you can... but you have trouble installing it on your computer. And when you do get it working, you find out that you wound up with a pirated copy... you get no war steed, and must go into Rohan on foot. That's only after you reach the required level of course, which is made much more difficult by a xp debuff you acquired somehow .

I wish it were snowing right now.

It snows, but only right around your house, and it dumps 12' of snow, so you lose power and you can't get out.

I wish I could cook while I was on campus.

You start cooking a delicious baked Alaska, but unfortunately you drop it and the the fire spreads to a secret supply of fireworks in the closet, causing huge explosions in your dorm room.

I wish I never had homework again.

Whew! You never have homework again. But that is because the sort of low grade jobs you elected to do are the sort of jobs that do not require leaving certificates, university degrees, further training or the sort of decent passes in end of year results which would substitute as a form of reference.

I wish I didn't have to fill in tax returns ever again.

You dont have to file for tax returns because you have been randomly transported across the universe and are now living on a desolate planet trying to stay alive

I wish i could play guitar

You can play guitar like nobody's business! However, your hands somehow lack the ability to get callouses. Thus, every time you play, you end up with bleeding and raw fingers.
Then, just as you are about to sign an album deal, your doctor tells you that if you continue playing, you will not be able to grow the skin back at all. Faced with the choice of losing skin or losing a brilliant career, you choose career. In fifteen months, you have not only worn the skin off your fingers permanently, but you have worn down your fingers until, like pencils that have been sharpened too many times, your fingers are half the length they use to be. Going to be kind of hard to play now....

I wish I had a mango.

You are given the most beautiful and perfectly ripe mango, but when you cut it open there is barely any fruit and the whole inside is mostly consumed by the giant pit. So as it turns out, wishing for a mango wasn't the best idea.

I wish I could run a petting zoo.

You could run the best petting zoo this side of the Misssissippi! however after you unwittingly offended the sage of the animal kingdom she cursed you by making animals hate you forevermore.

I wish I could live in Australia

You can live in Australia, but it just happens that Australia is also the name of a far-away planet that doesn't have any oxygen. It also has thousands of hungry carnivore aliens. That is the only Australia you can live in, and you don't want to live there, so you can't live in the Australia you want to live in anyway.

I wish I could make a smilie for NarniaWeb.