You can live on chocolate and pizza, but you're not going to live on it for that long... seeing as it's not very nutritious. Stupid reality. Also, for some reason this diet makes you blind so you can never go stargazing again.

I wish we'd get some rain so the crops wouldn't fail.

You get some rain... and then some more rain... and then, in fact, in never stops raining at all. o.o

I wish I could buy all the soundtracks I'm currently lacking.

You find them in a box at an estate sale for free! However, all of them have scratches and are messed up.

I wish I had a way to control the weather.

You can control the weather... however everyone now blames you for droughts, blizzards, tornados, and such. So you try giving everyone the weather they want, but since everyone wants different things you find yourself "chasing the wind" to the point of complete exhaustion.

I wish I could type with two hands

You type with two hands, and it's harder to multitask.

I wish I could see into the future.

You see into the future, but this foreknowledge quickly drives your poor moral mind insane. o.o

I wish I could sleep late tomorrow.

You do, but you miss a very important appointment because you don't wake up until 100 years has passed and a prince comes to break the spell thinking that you're a cursed princess.

I wish all my money problems would go away.

They go away and are replaced by worries for how you can keep your money safe.

I wish I had green hair.

You do have green hair but it is because someone dumped some slime on it.

I wish some birds would eat at my bird feeder.

They come to your feeder, but they're all invasive and now there's a plague of them.

I wish that when I jump in lotro, my character would make it to the other side

You make it to the other side every time, but your character always gets injured when you do so, slowing you down. Which can be a bit of a problem with 25 evil spiders chasing after you... .

I wish I could be the perfect Guardian in LOTRO, and protect my allies better...

You become the perfect guardian, but you can't do anything other than guarding, so you can't defend yourself, and you get killed because you can't defend yourself.

I wish that I could beat the king league on F-Zero.

You figure out a way to accomplish your goal, but it takes far longer than you thought it would and now you've missed an important appointment.

I wish I would find a garage sale selling a pony book collection containing lots of books I haven't read yet.

Wish granted! But the stories all end tragically with the ponies dying from some terrible disaster and you are left regretting your wish because you didn't enjoy a single one!

I wish I could have front row seats and backstage passes to all the concerts of my favorite artists.

You get front row seats and backstage passes but all of the concerts are cancelled due to lack of attendance.

I wish I knew how to tap maple syrup.