You can sing like Jen Ledger but you get laryngitis halfway through every song and you must retire.

I wish I had a brand new car.

You have a brand new car, but it gets 6 gallons to the mile!!!! (I'm thinking batmobile or something). You end up selling it on ebay because you can't afford to fuel it.

I wish that I could grow 4 inches taller.

You grow four inches taller, but everything you eat makes you keep growing even taller!

I wish I could be a mermaid.

Granted. However, you are allergic to saltwater. Even small amounts make your scales flake.

I wish I could play the piano by ear.

You can, but it's because you go blind.

I wish that this wish had no spelling errors in its typed forrm.

It does, but that makes it no longer funny.

I wish I could discover the Loch Ness Monster.

You can, but it eats you, which kinda stinks.

I wish I had a new couch.

You get a new couch, but during shipping, the van fell off a cliff, and when you finally got the couch, it was scorched, twisted, and stiff, just as if it was an old couch.

I wish I could become an expert at Photoshop to make awesome graphics.

You do become a expert at photoshop, but all of the graphic files you make get corrupted instantly, meaning you can't save your graphics without them becoming unreadable (by the computer and the human viewing it).

I wish I could type 500 words per minute without making a single mistake.

you can, but the only words you can type are good luck charlie

I wish I could read a thousand books in one day

you can and you did. Only to find out that there is not another book on earth and you will live for one thousand years longer, due to a fountain of youth discovery.

I wish I could travel to Ireland

Granted. But you loose your luggage and your way in a peat bog.

I wish I were in charge of the next Narnia movie.

You are, but you have to make an entire production on a ten dollar budget, which causes you to ultimately get fired.

I wish I was telepathic.

Very well. Have fun listening to the dirty thoughts of everyone around you, not to mention how everyone will start hating you because you know what they're thinking, so you'll have to live alone in an underground temple while taking care of cats and nuclear-powered ravens.

I wish I could like cheese.

You now love cheese, but to the point where you will eat nothing else. Your cholesterol skyrockets and you end up with peripheral artery disease.

I wish I was telekinetic (which is what I meant to post last time )