You meet me, and I'm unpardonably rude to you and ruin your self-esteem.

I wish you were my mother.

~Riella

I am, but when you realize that I am three years younger than you, you see that I must be a time traveler and have traveled back in time to meet your dad and had you as a baby. The time travel necessary to accomplish such a feat has created a paradox big enough to blow a hole through the space-time continuum... Thereby meaning you are not physically possible or don't exist. But I love you anyway!

I wish the month of July could be comprised of nothing but Saturdays.

It only has saturdays, but it's also comprised entirely of days with temperatures so hot that you get a sun burn five seconds after going outside.

I wish that it would snow when winter comes...

Granted! It snows, and it snows, and it snows - all the way into next June. (Hey, welcome to Minnesota! )

I wish I could visit the International Space Station.

Your wish is granted! Pan Am finally gets their space passenger line running and one of the destinations is the ISS. However... by the time you have saved enough for your two-way ticket an Intergalactic Space Station is built and the ISS is pretty small potatoes. But I'm sure you'll have a good time anyway!

I wish for something interesting.

You get a interesting creature: It has three eyes, a 3-foot long nose, 15 toes on each of its three feet, and razor sharp teeth that it wants to use to eat you.

I wish for there to be another competition next year here on NarniaWeb.

Granted! Next year the teams are the Woozles and the Heffalumps... Why are you having bad dreams about losing your honey?!

I wish my sister would bake some butterscotch cookies.

She does but some how the sugar and the salt get mixed up so she put in a lot of salt and not very much sugar.

I wish I had a boyfriend.

You do, but your class is terrible and will not listen to you or obey you no matter what you and the principal try. Also, there is gum stuck to your shoe from one of your students.

I think I subbed at the school.

You do, but he has the WORST breath of any human alive and although you love him, you want to hurl every time he's near, much less kissing him.

Ha, that was one of the nicer things that came to mind, Pal...

I wish I had a super-powered computer.

Your super-powered computer became super smart and now it wants to take over the world.

I wish I was out of college by now.

Congrats! Lady Courage's super smart computer has learned to time travel in order to gain fuller control... and since it foresaw you being a problem, it got you suspending from college at the end of last semester. Have fun flipping burgers!

I wish I didn't have to sleep to be healthy and productive.

You no longer have to sleep if you have to be healthy and productive. However, any time you want to play video games or watch TV or do any sort of non-productive recreational activity, you will start to feel sleepy and will need to sleep 10 hours before being able to do such things. Of course, you could just choose to be healthy and productive your entire life...

I wish I could control Lady Courage's super-powered super smart computer.

You do, but then Lady Courage gets mad at you for spending too much time on it and kicks you off.

I wish I could see in the dark.

Voila! You can now see perfectly in the dark, but you become completely blind during daylight. As a result, you get stuck with the label of a "recluse," your friends leave you, people think you've gone insane, and you are destined to roam the earth as a night time creature.

I wish that I could be telepathic.

You do, but you get to see a lot of things and phenomena that you find that you would rather not have seen.

I wish I could participate in the Olympics in London.