Lady Arwen stepped out onto the balcony and smiled.

"Ah, what a beautiful day it is," she sighed. She leaned on the railing, enjoying the view for a few moments, then gracefully turned and slipped back inside. She reappeared a few moments later on the steps of the castle, her suitably dramatic gown dragging on the steps as she ran down them.

"Welcome to my home, and thank you for your application to join me! However, before we can war against the Bookwyrm and his minions, we must first assemble and determine our plan of attack. And, if possible, come up with a better name for our castle."

The hallowed doors of the Spoiler-Free Monastery clanged shut, and a dryad, clothed in usual dryadish garb after turning in her monkly robes, sighed a great sigh. She would miss the Monastery much indeed; the good company, the pure way of life, the anticipation of the hopefully-Beatific Vision. . . oh, and the cappuccino was a definite plus.

Lack of cappuccino couldst poseth a problem, thought the dryad as she knelt to put on her roller skates. (Some people said that dryads oughtn't roller skate, being more accustomed to being rooted in the ground, but this dryad pointedly ignored the naysayers.)

"Verily, methinks I feel mine brain already begin to acheth from caffeine deficiency," the dryad muttered fretfully to herself, though she had partaken in the delights of an extra-extra-large cappuccino not less than half an hour ago as her way of saying goodbye to the beloved Monastery.

The dryad stood, arms flailing, and began to skate down the slope towards the nearest town, but only managed to crash into the nearest telephone pole. Pulling an ancient remnant of a lost goat poster from her hair, the dryad found herself face-to-face with two very new, very different flyers.

The first one seemed to have been written by a diabolical hand and talked a lot of shadow, flame, eternal minionship and evil laughter. If these things were not displeasing enough to repulse the monk, as soon as the she saw that the would-be employer had Grand High Dark Overlord in his résumé, she uttered a depreciating little sniff, drew a mustache, a goatee and unstylish glasses on the "Uncle Booky wants YOU!" caricature, and virtuously averted her eyes.

The other flyer was far more agreeable, the dryad felt, as she approvingly observed the elven cipher, read about the standard benefits and optional retirement packages, squeeee'd over the promise of what sounded like a nature reserve open to the enjoyment of the employees, and—oooooooh—free coffee bar open to all "minions."

"Forsooth, that soundeth quite nice," the dryad said, smiling and struggling to stay upright as her roller skates danced a rumba beneath her. "I wouldst admit that the idea of ever becoming a minion hath never occurred to me, though I wouldst not be a spoiled rotten minion. . . I fear I shall never hear the end of it from a certain Silver-Tongued Speaker of Awesomeness, all the same. But still. . . I see nothing here that wouldst interfere with mine monkly vows. . . and there is the free coffee bar. . . and I am quite sure I have a splitting headache coming on. . . ."

Rather excited at the caffeinated prospects of her potential employment, the dryad called Rose clapped her hands, and took off down the valley towards the distant, gleaming spires of ivory and gold that pierced through the green depths of a faraway forest.

Smiling at the few people and animals scattered around the courtyard, Lady A (or simply, The Queen) ran on to the gates.

"What?? They are closed? How can people visit our wondrous realm if they are shut?" She asked. "And what should happen if, someone attempting to enter, crashed into them because they didn't watch where they were going? They must be opened at once!"

With a groan, the gates began to move, finally clanging open, leaving Lady A gazing down the road. In the distance, she could see the dark clouds hanging over where the Tower of Shadow and Flame was located.

"Your clouds will never cross this gate, my old enemy," she whispered. "Only happy clouds, rain clouds, or snow clouds can come here."

As the dryad skated towards the Castle of Ivory and Gold at a terrifically awesome speed, she began to grow slightly worried.

No, not because she was having second thoughts about becoming a minion. (Though she reckoned that minimonk or perhaps monkion might suit her better. . . she would have to think on that.)

And it wasn't because her headache was worsening; to the contrary, hopes of a free coffee bar had soothed the psychologically-induced aches quite well.

No, it was because she was racing towards the massive gates of the resplendent castle at somewhere thereabouts of 90 mph, and she was not particularly good at braking.

But in a wonderful stroke of luck or the kindly foresight of the good Queen of this realm, the large gates were groaning open as she reached them and she just managed to squeeze through, then promptly tumbled headlong into the opulent fountain in the courtyard.

Sputtering and gasping for breath, the dryad hauled herself out of the coin-speckled waters, and swept a dryadish curtsey somewhat perilously because of the roller skates.

"Are you the ruler of this dominion, Lady?" Asked the dryad, as she threw a fish that had gotten tangled in her hair back into the fountain.

Lady A's reverie was interrupted as she heard a strange wizzing sound. She looked back at the road just in time to see a strange humaniod creature seemingly flying towards her--or, at least, this creature was flapping its wings as if it planned on taking flight. Wisely, Lady A ran out of the way seconds before this...creature would have crashed into her. Lady A was just peering over the edge of the fountain when it popped back out. Now that it was moving at a less precarious rate, the Queen could tell what exactly it was. She smiled and inclined her head toward the sopping dryad.

"I am, dear one. Welcome," she said.

Before she could break anything, the dryad sat down on the edge of the fountain and took off her roller skates. Would not do to smash one of the queen's statues or careen into the Royal Person herself during her first job interview.

"I am the Rose-Tree Dryad," said the dryad as she tied the laces of her skates together and threw them over her shoulder. "Sometimes called Rose, sometimes merely Dryad, and occasionally addressed as Villain-to-Be by a lady in possession of a Certificate of Insanity, so I beseech thee not to pay any attention to her. I am a monk of the Spoiler-Free Monastery, but those hallowed doors hath now closed, and I seek employment—and coffee—elsewhere during the long wait for them to open again. Hast thou a use for a dryad in thy organization?"

"I always have room for those with noble hearts, my dear Rose," Lady A said, smiling. "Welcome to the Castle of Ivory and Gold. Shall we go down to the coffee bar? You can enjoy a Cinnamon Mocha Freeze while we talk."

A character in a dark cloak - the garb of the Evil Lair - walked briskly through the forest, her eyes watching her boot-clad feet as they ate up the path beneath her. It had been a mere few hours since she had been thrust out of the Lair, and quite honestly, she felt relieved. Over the course of the time she had spent there, she had become increasingly dissatisfied with the spoiler-filled ways and had become unsure of what to do with herself. She had dubbed herself "The Peaceful Minion", but discovered that to be too much of an oxymoron.

Now she was walking, but her destination she did not know. However, she was free of the Lair, that much was certain. She wasn't sure what it was she disliked about the Lair. The apparel appealed to her - as one who liked to lurk, a cloak could come in quite handy. And she didn't necessarily mind being a minion. But it was time to move on. She would perhaps consider returning, if she wanted to view more spoilers. But until then, she would continue walking.

She walked for what seemed like hours. Then, like an oasis in the castle, a tower appeared before her - nothing like the Tower of Darkness and Shadow where she had previously spent her time. No, this tower was resplendently beautiful. She tipped her head in curiosity, desiring to discover what exactly this tower was. Whatever it was, it was beautiful! Her gait increased in speed as she got closer and walked through the magnificent golden gates, coming upon a large oaken door. The castle loomed before her, and she wasn't sure what to think of all of this change so soon. But she might as well make the best of her curiosity. She had come all this way and would hate to leave this secretive castle behind without doing so much as checking it out.

She pulled her dark hood closer around her face. It wouldn't do to be recognized. Not at first. And with that, she knocked as loud as she dared.

A thump resounded against the door, and it shook. After a second thump, the door slipped open an inch, and a small brown paw appeared at the bottom. After giving it a quick jerk, the door swung open, and a small feline face looked up at the Hoodie.

"Meow," Luke said.

The Hoodie was taken completely off-guard. Her eyes widened as she stared down at the feline.

"Um... hello?" She spoke softly, then looked around, talking to herself. "I wonder where I am."

"Meow meow," Luke said, banging against the door to get it to open more. Once it was open a sufficient amount, he sat against it, then rose up so he was sitting only on his hind feet.

"Meeee-ow," he said, gesturing with one paw to the room inside.

"Verily, that sounds most pleasing, estimable Queen," the dryad said, thinking that a cinnamon mocha freeze sounded very delicious indeed. "Especially since I hath a condition that causeth me to hath the most dreadful of headaches and general confuzzlement when I go too long without partaking in the glory that ist caffeine. Forsooth, I say this because I believe in being up-front to one's potential employer. It is most convenient indeed that thou hath a free coffee bar for minions!"

The Hoodie folded her arms under her cloak and frowned down at the cat. "Does he want me to go in there? I must be seeing things."

Whether she was seeing things or not, the cat still wouldn't stop meowing in the direction of the room. She continued to ignore him successfully until the cat reared up on his hind legs and put his front paws on her leg. His claws got stuck on the Hoodie's cloak, and she spent a significant amount of time trying to get him untangled. Once that was done, she decided that he must really want her to go inside. She took a cautious step forward inside the castle, and she was pleasantly surprised. The room she now found herself in was a library of epic proportions - a room that she had dreamed of all her life. Books, books, and books were all she could see.

"Welcome to the Library," a voice said.

Luke continued to march straight ahead, presuming the Hoodie would follow him. He walked through the Library, straight to some shelves where another cat, similar to himself, sat. He sat beside her, then meowed loudly. A larger, grey tabby peered down from a shelf high above. Luke continued talking to her. After a moment, she looked at the Hoodie.

"What do you want?" The cat finally asked.

~~

"That it is!" Lady A said, laughing. Her laugh sounded like water falling gently over rocks, but, unfortunately, ended in a sort of snort. "This way!"

She turned and smoothly glided back through the courtyard and up the stairs, through a large sitting room, the kitchen, and down a set of stairs.

"The Library is that way," she motioned, not stopping. They went down yet another set of stairs, into a cozy little room, finely decorated, but not so nice that one would have to fear of dirtying it. It was, to be honest, practically perfect in every way.

"Hmmm...where is the coffeebar tender??" Lady A asked, turning around in circles. Finally, she went up to the counter and banged on it.

"Baristo!!!" She yelled.