Day 7
Burg

Irene was almost in a state of disbelief. How...? She didn't even look at it! 'I hope she's not a mind reader... wait, then why would she even bother asking?' Regardless, Irene decided to stop digging the hole any deeper. "Right... well, I'm not really hungry anyways. I'm... I'm just going to go upstairs and look around."

Irene turned and started walking away. Did she know what she was looking for upstairs? No. Was anything better than figuring out how to respond to Xandria? Yeah, pretty much.

Burg: Day 7

"Suit yourself," Xandria said, wandering off. She wasn't quite sure what to make of this girl. Stubborn, definitely. Quite possibly a potential pain in the neck, too. Still, Xandria had her own problems to worry about, now including one handsome yet slightly annoying young man that she had agreed to have a date with. That should not be the most important of her problems, yet it still made its way to the forefront of her mind as she started to consider how she was going to deal with having plopped herself down in a strange city with borrowed clothes on her back and stolen cash in her pocket.

Day 7
Burg

Irene really hoped that Xandria wasn't irritated with her, but... she really didn't want to talk about this right now. She didn't want to think about it, either, but there was no escaping that. Irene quickly found the nearest staircase up, and climbed it before she could think about looking back.

Before long, Irene found a study lounge with some comfy-looking chairs. Irene sat down in one, and tried her hardest to actually feel whether or not the chair was comfortable. But she couldn't; it just felt like a surface supporting her weight. Weight... did she even have weight? No, she must have; she crashed into Xandria. They'd both felt it. She'd felt it; that was pain. That is, assuming that's what she felt... since she didn't have any actual memories of experiencing pain before, she--

"Oh, just stop." Irene grumbled aloud, unsure of who she was talking to. "No need to get so existential." But all these thoughts reminded her of all the flawed little details of her reality. It was more than just her memory now, too, which could've been explained by some weird form of amnesia--but how could she explain somehow not needing food? Or feeling things? Or... agh! Irene threw her illusory apple across the room, letting it fade into nonexistence as she did. Even that didn't distract her from the thought slowly leaking into her mind....

All this reminded her of her illusions. All the little details that she would forget about while crafting it, all the things that didn't make sense and made the whole product clearly fake.

Or, maybe she really was going crazy. Maybe her subconscious knew this, and was trying to convince her of that, hence all the psychology books. Irene didn't really believe that, but somehow, it was an almost amusing thought. But one that made her brain ache, and left her feeling exhausted.

Irene stubbornly stood up, walked over to the nearest bookshelf, and grabbed a random book. She walked back to her chair, firmly deciding that she would be so thoroughly intrigued by this book that she wouldn't have time to think about anything else.

Previous post

Day 5, Quadrant 9
12:41, Q9 time
Eval. Lounge

Hmm, so Professor Collins didn't even know. She turned me in, just because I was holding my head all the time, Hali frowned sharply. Her fingernails scratched at the chair fabric unconsciously, venting her anger at being betrayed.

She listened intently as Steele - using a lot of big, kind of unnecessary words - admitted to still not knowing what her powers were. He even made a little joke about the "hair on fire" comment... Well, he sort of smiled, so she guessed it was supposed to be a joke. And then he leaned forward and asked the million-dollar question:

"So tell me, Miss Royce: Have you noticed anything different about yourself since the blast?"

Moment of truth, she winced.

He continued. "Anything could help, even if you do not quite know what it means. We have ways of helping you find exercises to pinpoint it, if only we know where to start."

"Well..." She glanced over at Tony, hoping to read some encouragement in his expression. If she was making the wrong choice, if she told Steele the truth and he was not who she thought he was, she had a very sure feeling that life would, at best, be unpleasant. But really, what had Steele done to her? He had put her through a test without any real danger in it, and asked her some questions. He had come in here without a weapon, trusting her not to go crazy. And while she was still getting that distinct sense of something being "off" inside the Doctor, he seemed sincere enough. Maybe the world wasn't so crazy, after all. Maybe there were still people who just wanted to help.

She closed her eyes to see better as she described her experience. "It's, um, it's, like, an eye in my head. I know that sounds stupid, but that's what it is, pretty much. I, like, see things with my mind; not just, like, the surface, but the inside. Like, I can see your lungs and heart moving and the wiring in the walls, and the air in the vent over there." She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. I'm making the right choice, she told herself firmly, before realizing how many times she had just said "like". Well, that was what living in Judicia did to you.

Day 7
Burg

The book trick had been utterly pointless. Unfortunately, whoever wrote it liked to describe the meals the characters ate in great detail... meals which probably would've made most readers' mouths water. Irene, on the other hand, spent her time trying to decide whether or not she'd ever tasted anything like that before, and try to imagine what it tasted like. All attempts ended in failure. She was tempted to just try another book, but she had a feeling it was all going to end up the exact same way.

So, if she were honest with herself, what were the possibilities? Well, she could go back to her original theory--she was having odd memory issues because of the radiation poisoning. After all, something like that had to mess with your head at least a little bit. Except... Xandria didn't seem to have problems like that, and besides that, it didn't explain using her powers (apparently subconsciously) on herself. Or, maybe she'd spent so much time using her illusory powers that she'd lost track of reality. Because yes... a week was long enough for something like that to happen.

There was another option, one which had been creeping into her thoughts ever since she'd talked to Xandria. What if... what if she wasn't real? What if she was another illusion--a really complicated one, to be sure, but one with all sorts of little flaws? But that was crazy; she had to be real. She could think, therefore.... How would someone make a self-aware illusion, anyways? Especially one which could make her own, and which could manipulate objects (like doors), and...

"Well, there's one way to test it." She decided. She stood up and walked over to a wall, and set her hand against it. "If I'm not real," she muttered aloud, "then the wall shouldn't really bother me, right?" She pushed her hand against the wall, imagining her hand going through. If it wasn't real, then basically, she just needed to break down the idea that her hand was solid, right? So... just imagine it as manipulated light beams, or whatever her illusions were made of, as not solid, and--

Suddenly, her hand was gone, apparently within the wall. Irene pulled her hand back, and realized that she'd done her job too well--the hand was just gone. Embarrassingly, she yelped, and started shaking her arm, as if that would somehow bring it back. After a few moments of shaking, it actually worked; her hand reappeared, thankfully in tact. Irene was relieved for a few moments, only to be replaced by annoyance. The point was supposed to be that she'd prove herself wrong.

'I suppose I could still just be crazy.' Somehow, that thought wasn't comforting. If this were true, it would explain a lot--but it'd also leave a lot more questions. If she was an illusion, then who'd created her--a real person who'd gotten illusionary abilities after the Supernova? Then where was this person, and why did he or she let her wander around aimlessly? Why was she self-aware? Why did she know what things were, and have an idea of what she was supposed to be like? How was she going to explain any of this to Xandria... if she was going to bother to?

Irene sat back down and mulled it over for a while. After a while, she started to realize that, real or not, she was still exhausted. Mostly she was just tired of thinking, but regardless, she knew she needed sleep. She set her head back against the back of the chair, closed her eyes, and almost instantly disappeared to sleep.

Burg: Day 7

Xandria glanced out the window as the light faded behind the buildings. She was about halfway done with the fable books she had collected, though she was pretty sure she had read every mermaid tail in the library by now. Still, it was better than nothing. At least she had a slight idea of what she was, now, though there were so many different types of mermaids. She flipped over on her back and stared at the ceiling. Somewhere up there, Irene was reading, or perhaps pouting. Xandria wasn't sure. Perhaps she should check on her.

Xandria sighed, then sat up and lit one of the candles she had bought, figuring that it would be best not to freak Irene out with her night vision. She wandered up the stairs quietly, breathing deeply. Funny, she realized, Irene didn't have a scent. Even stranger, but Xandria hadn't realized that each person she had met had a unique smell, and she could track them by their smell. Why didn't Irene have a smell?

Xandria stopped, listening carefully. If she couldn't smell her out, she could hear her out. There, quiet breathing. Xandria followed it to a reading nook. Irene was curled up in one of the chairs, asleep. Xandria watched her for a moment, then went back to the information desk and got one of the blankets. She snuffed her candle and brought the blanket up and tossed it over Irene. She looked worried, even in her sleep. Perhaps Xandria was being too hard on her. At least she had been able to run away to a place where no one seemed to know her. Irene must be known in Burg, and she somehow had to keep away from all of those people.

Xandria shook her head. She needed to stop feeling sorry for Irene and take care of herself. Still, she guessed she couldn't experiment with her powers again in the library, since it would wake Irene. She padded down to her little spot in the children's section and pulled open her hiding spot for Malcom's device. She turned it on and started wandering around the map. There was the docks--she already knew about those. Not the best place to experiment. Where else was there water? She settled into one of the bean bags and swiped her finger across the screen as she looked around the city. Water park? definitely not. Fish hatchery? Perhaps, but then she'd get stuck with the smell. There were canals criss-crossing the city, but that invited all sorts of sightings and unhappy things.

An aquarium. Xandria studied it for a moment. Of course. That was perfect. She zoomed in on the map and was immensely pleased that it had a vague layout of the buildings in the aquarium's compound, and she could tell by the size that there were an extensive number of tanks. She studied it for a few minutes, then tucked the device in the basket she had bought, then went back to the basement. After looking over the tools she had scavenged from the garage, she chose a crow bar and placed it in the bag, too. She began to head out, then went back to the break room and picked up a jacket someone had discarded in there earlier. She slipped it on, and moved the things out of the basket and into the jacket. There. Much less questionable.

She slipped out the door and headed down the street, enjoying the balmy warmth of the early evening. There were a few people out, all hurrying to get home, but no one bothered her. It took her nearly an hour to find her way to the aquarium and a while more to find a suitable entrance, but she managed to get in without breaking anything. She took her time once she got in, slowly walking around and inspecting the tanks, a heavy, sinking feeling filling her heart.

"No one has fed you, have they?" she asked, pressing her hand against the glass. She could see a few dead fish floating at the top of the tanks, and there was evidence that many of the fish had been nibbled on by their fellow tank mates. Only the tanks that held sharks were devoid of dead fish, and it didn't take Xandria long to guess why. The water, itself, looked murky and slightly green. Before she started experimenting, she needed to find a way to provide for these creatures.

The supply closets were nicely spaced out, making it easier for Xandria to figure out which foods went to which animals. It wasn't the freshest, but it was better than food elsewhere. The large refrigerators had retained their cool for quite some time, and Xandria busied herself in sorting and tossing food into the tanks.

~~

"It's been a long week, hasn't it, buddy?" Xandria asked, stripping down and sitting on the edge of the tank that held a tiger shark and a few other finned creatures. The shark lolled in the water near her, floating lazily after his meal. She studied the water for a moment, then reached down and ran her fingers through it, watching as her hand seemed to grow under the water. It was as if there were extra layers of skin and scales that suddenly appeared. The shark swam over to her, and she stroked it gently. He seemed to enjoy it.

After a few minutes, Xandria pulled her hand out of the water and stood up. She pulled her hair back and tied it into a sloppy bun, then stared down into the water. She was up in the rafters again--this was one of the largest tanks, with viewing places on several different floors. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, then put her hands together over her head and dived in. She felt the water rush across her skin, the pain of transformation much less than she had ever felt before. She guessed that the more she changed forms, the less it would hurt. She felt her speed slow, and she came out of the dive and opened her eyes. Yes, she had fully transformed. The shark had swam away abruptly and was eyeing her from the far side of the tank. He was used to divers coming into the tank, but this was different. He--no, wait. Xandria studied him for a moment, then giggled.

"You're not a boy, are you?" she asked, beginning to swim through the tank. "You're a girl...and you're gonna have babies soon."

Burg: Day 8

The water was relaxing, and the excitement of experimenting with what she could do--beside swimming--was exhilarating. Sunrise caught her by surprise, the shafts of sunbeams glittering through the water. Sighing, she swam back to the surface and pulled herself out of the tank. She shivered as she waited for her scales to absorb, then stood, wishing she had the foresight to bring a towel. While she dried, she might as well put some more food into the tanks. It was best if they ate as much of it as possible before it went bad. Of course, once that happened, she'd have to figure out some way to feed them all...but that was a problem for another day. Hopefully another week.

Once she was sufficiently dried, Xandria pulled her clothes on and hurried out of the aquarium and back to the library. She needed to do some more research--this time, on how to clean the water in the aquarium. They definitely did not have a full ecosystem in each of those tanks!

As she walked, she began to realize that she was tired--she had stayed up all night without noticing. She had felt more energy in the dark. Now she was fading quickly, and stifled yawns as she hurried back to the library. Yes, sleep sounded very good.

Day 8
Burg

Had Irene thought about it, she might have realized that she couldn't remember the last time she'd had a dream. Given her situation, that by itself was no surprise. However, that meant it was a surprise when, this night, she actually dreamt. She opened her eyes slightly; blinding white light made it difficult to open them much farther. She turned her head slightly, putting herself out of the light, and giving herself a chance to look around. She was standing in what looked like some kind of lobby or reception area. It was cozy, really; there were very plush-looking couches all around, strategically placed blooming flowers, and a cheery young woman sitting behind a wood-paneled counter. Irene felt safe--for approximately two seconds.

Suddenly, as if in a flash of lightning, the room changed; well, not the room itself, but everything else in it. The woman who used to be behind the counter now looked terrified, and was talking into a radio. Security guards and men in long, white coats were coming closer. Irene found herself backing away from them, past an overturned table. One of the men got close enough to grab her, but before he could, she held her hands toward him, blinding him with a flash of light. At the same time, her own vision blinked out.

Now, the men had caught up to her, and had her pinned down. One of them was injecting something into her arm. But, the odd thing was... this time, she was watching her body from the outside. She could see that her eyes were already vacant and staring, her face otherwise locked in a pleading, terrified expression. After a few seconds, Irene realized that the whole scene was getting smaller; another moment later, she realized it was because she was running away.

Ow! Irene could've sworn she felt a p***k in her arm. Wait... she felt it? Her vision flashed one more time, and for a couple of seconds, she thought she saw a face looking over her, covered in a surgical mask, carefully analyzing what he--she?--saw....

Irene woke up, back in the library, where she'd fallen asleep. The sun was shining; it must have been the next morning. Irene was sure that it had all been a dream; it had to be. But... everything she'd seen, and felt, it was all more real than anything else she'd seen since the Supernova. What if... what if those images were her actual memories? What if she wasn't entirely fake after all? 'Well, if that's the case, then I wish they made a lot more sense....'

Irene got up, and decided to look for any books in the library on dreams and memory.

Burg: Day 8

Xandria slipped her pocket knife into the door, slipping the lock open. If only she had gotten a knife before she had broken the window! Oh well. This wouldn't be the last time she regretted it, she knew, but it couldn't be helped. She dropped her things off in a sloppy mess by her sleeping spot, then wandered over to the break room to get some food. She cut up and apple, then, cradling the bits in her hand, wandered up the stairs to the second floor, letting her footsteps echo to warn Irene, just in case the girl was all jumpy again. When she reached the top, she saw Irene slowly moving between the bookshelves, examining books. Xandria watched her for a moment, then walked over and leaned against the railing.

"You're up early," she commented, taking a bite of apple. "How'd you sleep?"

Day 8
Burg

Irene started a bit at the sound of Xandria's voice; she hadn't heard her come up. She quickly composed herself. "Oh. Hi, Xandria." She took in a short breath, and muttered under it, "How did I sleep? Like a computer program, I think."

She kind of hoped that Xandria didn't hear that. At the same time, she did. She didn't like the idea of Xandria thinking she was a liar; at the same time, she didn't want her to think she was crazy. Then again... maybe if Xandria knew what she was really thinking, she'd come up with some infinitely more rational conclusion.

"Have you ever had one of those nights where your dreams felt more real than waking up?

Day 8: Burg

Xandria nodded.

"Well, yeah, I guess. Doesn't happen very often, and usually when I've been traveling and haven't gotten a lot of sleep--then I just can't tell if I was dreaming things or if they actually happened. Why? Rough night last night?"

Day 8
Burg

"Well, sort of." Irene pulled a book off the shelf, called "The Mythology of Dreams", and set it on her growing pile of books. She bit her lip for a moment, debating what she wanted to say next. "To be honest, last night is the first time I remember dreaming. In fact, there's a lot of things I don't remember experiencing that really should be basic--things like... feeling hungry." She glanced at Xandria, briefly locking eyes with her. She felt ridiculous enough just saying that out loud; hopefully, that was all the explanation she would need for Irene's actions the day before.

"So, yeah. Some of the things that happened in my dream felt more real than real life. And I have no idea why, or if I'm just overthinking all this, or...."

Day 8: Burg

Xandria nodded, thinking for a few minutes before she said anything. Finally, she seated herself on the railing and studied Irene.

"You're one of us," she finally said. "Well, what the media is calling radiation poisoning. But it isn't poisoning, really. It's a gift."

Xandria stopped. She didn't quite believe what she was saying, but she knew Irene needed to, and she probably did too.

"But it's only a gift if you use it as one," she continued. "Because it's a curse, too. The only thing that makes it good or bad depends on who you are and how you decide to use it. The hardest part is never letting anyone else know--keeping it secret. That's the only way to keep safe. Just because you know what you can do doesn't mean that you know how to or what to do. I don't think any of us quite know who we are, yet. We still have to discover it. And I think that's going to be the hardest part."

Day 8
Burg

Irene took a few moments to think over what Xandria had to say. After all, it was hard to say which one of them had it worse--Irene with no knowledge of who or what she was, or Xandria, knowing full well but isolated from any friends or family she once had. Finally, she shook her head, smiling grimly. "I guess I haven't been using my 'gift' very well at all." She admitted. "I've mainly used it to make sure that no one can find me. I thought I was happy with everything I needed--except answers, of course, but what's that compared to security?" She shrugged. "Not much, really."

She glanced at Xandria, and cautiously added, "So... one of 'us'?" 'She said it, so... she must've meant to share it... right?'

Burg: Day 8

Xandria grinned.

"Why do you think I'm living in a library?" she half-teased. "I'm not from around here. I came here to get out of the way. At first I thought that hiding would be best, but once I started meeting more of our kind, and seeing how they were dealing with things, I realized it wasn't. I came here because I was scared. Scared by who I was, suddenly, scared I was gonna get snagged and sent off to who-knows-where. And then I started to realize that things are probably never going to go back to the way they were, before. They're just going to keep being this way, so I'd best find a way to live with it. At the same time, I've started realizing that whatever we are now isn't just some weird thing to hide. It's something to use, to make a difference with."

She gave a short laugh.

"I spent so much time trying to make things better for other people before, but it always came down to money. Money was the golden ticket--it could by fast cars, nice clothes, education, clean water...anything you want. Now, money's going to be so much more of that, because it's going to start being rare. We won't be able to throw money at problems any more. We're going to have to start actually fixing things, now."

Day 8
Burg

"I don't know how it can be fixed." Irene admitted. "I mean, even if they somehow bring power back, like you said--things are never going to be the same. Even when we're not worrying about getting snatched by government thugs, what's going to happen when we start running out of things like nonperishable food?" She shook her head. "I'm not even really sure why money still has any value...."

Irene set her hand on her forehead. "Yeah, so I'm not exactly an optimist." She shrugged and added, "Well... at least we won't have to worry about food as much. Like I said, I haven't really gotten hungry since all this started, so you can have any food I get my hands on...." She paused for a moment, before realizing something aloud: "You know, you haven't told me what the radiation did to you... I mean, what your...." Well, what was a good way to ask that question, anyways?!