Didn't you specifically order ham & pea soup? Wouldn't it be unusual if there wasn't a pea in your ham and pea soup, even if it was only a whole pea as a garnish? If you would have preferred some other kind of soup, I'd gladly get it for you at no extra charge, and I will also let the chef know that you would much prefer ham and pea soup without any peas of any sort in it.

Waiter! There is a sapphire & diamond tiara in my soup!  

Congratulations, madame! You've won our "Queen for a Day" promotion! In addition to getting to wear this beautiful tiara all day, you will get the royal tour of our restaurant and then be responsible for greeting all of our guests today.

Waiter, there's a chandelier in my soup!

Quick! I'll call the electrician, & the cleaner when this chandelier has just fallen from the ceiling under which you are sitting! I am sorry, but you will need to sit at another table, free of glass & crystal. We may need to check that you haven't been cut, or injured in any way. We will get you another fresh bowl of soup, when debris from the chandelier would have contaminated your soup, which I hope you haven't tried to eat. As for lighting, we will have to use emergency candles for every table tonight.

Waiter! There is a first aid kit in my soup! 

A first aid kit is a wonderful thing to have on hand, isn't it, madame? We hope you enjoy this little gift along with your Five-Alarm Soup.

Waiter, there's a holly wreath in my soup!

Actually Miss, that is the table decoration.

Waiter, there’s a banana in my soup!

Yes, that is a free gift offer, when everybody should eat at least one piece of fruit per day & bananas fortunately do come with their own unique wrapping. Please dispose of the skin thoughtfully at the side of your bread & butter plate, when we wouldn't want anyone to slip on it.  

Waiter! There is a lovely Christmas Star decoration in my soup! 

Compliments of the house, madame!

Waiter, there's a bugle in my soup!

Ah yes, that must be the missing bugle which must go back to the local branch of the Returned & Services League of Australia, when it will be needed for next year's Anzac Day services. Thank you for pointing it out. I'll get for you, a replacement bowl of soup on the house, for finding this treasured World War 2 army bugle. 

Waiter! There are Ikea directions for assembling a flatpack cupboard in my soup. 

I'm afraid that's impossible, madam. The bowl of soup is much too small to assemble even a tiny IKEA cupboard in it....oh I see, it's the instructions that you've Found in the soup! Ah, the chef will be pleased to be able to assemble his new spice cupboard!

Waiter! There's the last movement of a piano concerto sheet music in my soup!

Oh, yes. We were all out of the vegetable medley.

Waiter, there's a typewriter in my soup!

working while eating that book better be good.

waiter there's a snake in my soup!

Sorry sir, our noodle supplier has sent us rather large ones this week.  I assure you, that is not actually a snake! 

Waiter, there's a gold ring in my soup!

Now that is an item which should be put in lost and found advertisements in the newspapers. Are there any inscriptions on it for example? Maybe in elvish? Is it just a plain gold wedding ring, which is just what it looks like? Whatever you do, don't put it on or you might vanish altogether. I'll ask the staff if they are missing a wedding ring, & then I'll ring Hobbiton to see if someone there might know something about it. Meanwhile I'll put it in a display cabinet, until either the police or someone else comes to collect it.   It really has to be someone or other's preciousss....

Waiter! There is a sword in my soup!

Yes, and the first person to pull it out shall be the rightful King (or Queen) of Britain!

Waiter, there's a platypus in my soup! 

And eaten it all up, naturally. We've rung WIRES to restore this little creature to its river burrow. Mind it doesn't sting you with the spurs on its ankles. I should think it needs a vet to look at the little fellow, to check it won't sicken from eating human food, even though it is the Bouillabaisse Marseillaise you ordered, which might well suit a platypus diet. Of course, we will replace your requested soup, and here it comes.  

Waiter! There is a meerkat in my soup