Didn't you specifically order ham & pea soup? Wouldn't it be unusual if there wasn't a pea in your ham and pea soup, even if it was only a whole pea as a garnish? If you would have preferred some other kind of soup, I'd gladly get it for you at no extra charge, and I will also let the chef know that you would much prefer ham and pea soup without any peas of any sort in it.

Waiter! There is a sapphire & diamond tiara in my soup!  

Congratulations, madame! You've won our "Queen for a Day" promotion! In addition to getting to wear this beautiful tiara all day, you will get the royal tour of our restaurant and then be responsible for greeting all of our guests today.

Waiter, there's a chandelier in my soup!

Quick! I'll call the electrician, & the cleaner when this chandelier has just fallen from the ceiling under which you are sitting! I am sorry, but you will need to sit at another table, free of glass & crystal. We may need to check that you haven't been cut, or injured in any way. We will get you another fresh bowl of soup, when debris from the chandelier would have contaminated your soup, which I hope you haven't tried to eat. As for lighting, we will have to use emergency candles for every table tonight.

Waiter! There is a first aid kit in my soup! 

A first aid kit is a wonderful thing to have on hand, isn't it, madame? We hope you enjoy this little gift along with your Five-Alarm Soup.

Waiter, there's a holly wreath in my soup!

Actually Miss, that is the table decoration.

Waiter, there’s a banana in my soup!

Yes, that is a free gift offer, when everybody should eat at least one piece of fruit per day & bananas fortunately do come with their own unique wrapping. Please dispose of the skin thoughtfully at the side of your bread & butter plate, when we wouldn't want anyone to slip on it.  

Waiter! There is a lovely Christmas Star decoration in my soup!