Oh dear! That claw must have fallen off last year's dragon decorations when we were removing it, in preparation for the Chinese New Year of the Snake which starts on 28th January, this year! Of course, we will replace your Wonton Soup with Sweetcorn, without charge.

Waiter! There is a boomerang in my soup!

@ Courtenay: I was hoping someone with Scottish connections would "get" it.

Scottish connections: 1. Husband (Falkirk); 2. Great-grandfather (Glasgow via Dunedin); Great, great, great-grandmother; (Greenock - never let it be said that there weren't any Scottish-born convicts ). 

Just leave it there, madame - it'll return to the chef momentarily.

Waiter, there's a fork in my soup!

The fork is very useful to fish out those delicious wontons, which I believe you ordered, though the soup spoon we also provided should make sure that you will be able to manage. Enjoy your meal!  

Waiter! There is a tax return in my soup!

Oh, very sorry about that. Just return the soup, and we'll refund you, tax and all.

Waiter! there's an ivory tusk in my soup!

Oh dear! I'm afraid I will have to ring the police and our very strict customs. Ivory tusks or anything like them are verboten in these parts of the world, and as long as I have worked here, I believe it is a law-abiding establishment. My apologies, at any inconvenience that this incident might cause you. 

Waiter! There is a pirate's cutlass in my soup! 

Oh, yeah, funny story - yesterday, a pirate from the coast of Tasmania was stuck in a 'soup' and swore that he'd give his cutlass to the 'soup' if only it'd let up. It did, and it took the cutlass. Are you interested in selling the weapon?

Waiter! I've got a banana peel in my soup!

Our apologies! Our cook got a little overenthusiastic while making your fruit soup and didn't peel the banana completely.

Waiter, there's a cookie tin in my soup!

Yes madam, we like to ensure our food contains iron and other vitamins and minerals. 

Waiter, there's a door key in my soup!

I'm very sorry about that! Because some of the ingredients in your soup are very expensive, we keep them in a locked cabinet. It seems that the cook must have accidentally dropped the key into the pot while closing the cabinet. We'll be happy to replace your soup; I will just need the key so we can open the cabinet again!

Waiter, there's a coin in my soup!

It must be your lucky day! There was a time when coins were a traditional part of Christmas pudding & finders were considered lucky, though I've never heard about coins in soup before. I'll get a new bowl of soup for you, and if it is a rare commemoration coin, you might even be able to sell it at a profit. 

Waiter! There are a set of veteran's medals in my soup!