Flash Fiction Writing Challenge - hosted by the Inn Between - Ditto Town https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/ NarniaWeb Forum Discussion Board en-US Sat, 11 Apr 2026 23:19:52 +0000 wpForo 60 Re: Flash Fiction Writing Challenge - hosted by the Inn Between https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/paged/2/#post-302808 Tue, 06 Mar 2018 09:12:19 +0000 Ditto Town Boo Kay Bucket https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/paged/2/#post-302808 Re: Flash Fiction Writing Challenge - hosted by the Inn Between https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/paged/2/#post-302802 Mon, 05 Mar 2018 23:38:08 +0000 What Comes Knocking gazer-ironically, I really liked the kid, too, along with his utter devotion to groundhog day. I'm glad you didn't see it coming, but still got it. My most significant concern with this draft was that the twist wouldn't be clear enough. aileth--in the original, Janine was more clearly designated as the narrator's partner and sire or host (I was undecided about which at that point). In the original, too, the kid was actually an adult who showed up knowing about the vampire bit, arguing that the narrator dropped off her daughter to keep from killing her. The narrator, too, was a bit more...maternal about the whole thing. He still ended up getting bit, though. Shawna's Story This is my first real encounter with the VF, too, and I must say, that's quite an interesting first encounter. I would definitely love to read more VF adventures. I particularly liked how you made your own spin on the grandmother/grandchild theme, with the generations of technology. I agree with aileth--it definitely reminds me of many a conversation I've had with small children.]]> Ditto Town Lady Arwen https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/paged/2/#post-302802 Re: Flash Fiction Writing Challenge - hosted by the Inn Between https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/paged/2/#post-302765 Mon, 05 Mar 2018 09:14:29 +0000 I'll try to include enough description/info that it continues to make sense for people not familiar with the old DT. Stargazer - I tend to write long, so when I do write short, it's usually like this, using characters already established elsewhere. I think the shortest story I've written with its own self-contained world and characters was around 6,000 words. And yeah, the VF has a bat'leth. ;) I watched one of the blu ray features recently about when they were developing that weapon for the show, and they showed it to actual sword masters who were like, "Wow, no one's invented a whole new bladed weapon in, like, centuries, but this is solid."
Incidentally, the few things Lotus said about her father seem to prove the grandmother's initial judgment at fault--something she had the grace not to resent.
I caught that, too. It's such an awful thing already, but to be the grandmother in this situation and realize that the big argument that lost you your daughter happened because you were wrong would just be gut-wrenching.]]> Ditto Town Shawna https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/paged/2/#post-302765 Re: Flash Fiction Writing Challenge - hosted by the Inn Between https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/paged/2/#post-302742 Sun, 04 Mar 2018 02:42:15 +0000 '69 Hotrod I knew that letter was important, but I didn't figure out what it really was until I read through the second time, and then was "How did I miss that?" Love the way you describe your characters and settings; a single word or phrase bringing an instant picture. That line "What color did I end up painting it?" was really good. He's disillusioned, going to end it all, and then there's this bit of curiosity, as if he suddenly believes the kid. What Comes Knocking Nicely led-up-to ending; another second read to appreciate all the hints. Felt bad for the kid, too--if he figured out everything else, why didn't he guess that? Or maybe he did, only too late. Does she off somebody every ten years? And now I want to know what you cut out re: Janine. All I can say to your character is: Interesting as you might be, please don't come to Canada! Tempus Fugit I'm the opposite of Vanna and Shawna--very lately come to DT. Did recognize the family (after reading some of the comments--they're just as revealing as the stories) from the Holiday Mansion. But it is good as a standalone--though the hints about future(?) events are maddening, since they sound perfectly fascinating. (Sort of like an author we've all heard about, who dropped hints about many other stories, and only wrote a few of them) It is obvious that Dan and Angie really care for each other, and by implication, other people as well. Roots This felt so realistic--the motivations of your characters, including the off-stage ones, fit in with real life so well; the shyness and uncertainty they both felt was well done. There is that feeling of regret that Jessica didn't come back herself, but she cared enough to send her own daughter as her messenger. Incidentally, the few things Lotus said about her father seem to prove the grandmother's initial judgment at fault--something she had the grace not to resent. VF As I mentioned, DT is an unknown for me; that said, this was enjoyable and didn't need backstory to make it so. That interaction between the VF and Breaker is hilarious--it reminds me of a recent conversation I had with a kid about why he should sit on the carpet, just like everybody else. You use logic, get them to a certain point, and then, wham! they click back to their original state, and it all begins again. (A side note: I kept reading the sidekick as "Hug the Thug"--not quite, eh?)
Also, poor Evelyn, having that many people claim to be descendants and then scooting off without an explanation.
That was what my brother picked up on when he read it--the improbability and therefore the possibilities.]]> Ditto Town aileth https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/paged/2/#post-302742 Re: Flash Fiction Writing Challenge - hosted by the Inn Between https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/#post-302737 Sun, 04 Mar 2018 00:55:13 +0000 '69 Hotrod The idea of a relatively ordinary thing meaning a lot to the future has already been mentioned. I like that. Years ago my older brother and my dad had a car they liked to work on, to restore. I don't remember the details but it helps me visualize your character working on his car. I like the irony of "Always running out of time" in a time-travel story. What Comes Knocking I didn't see that coming, though in hindsight there were hints and you played fair with the reader. The kid did a great job of reasoning out what was going on and I almost felt sorry for how he met his demise. Janine's casual remarks hint that this may not be all that unusual: “Also, get your boots off your desk. There’s mud on the heel.” Market Encounter and Roots I'll group these together because they were the ones that made me miss my grandparents the most. Silly, I know, but a testimony to the strength of your characters. These stories were poignant. The bittersweet "I wish you were" in aileth's story and "what might have been" in Aravanna's. Evelyn encouraging the young man to visit his real grandmother before it was too late, and knowing that Jessica went to the trouble of importing geraniums at her Pakistani house - wonderful stuff. Kudos to both of you for setting up great visual images of your settings with just a few words. Shwana's VF story It was fun seeing the VF again, and the discussion with Breaker was fun reading - like two Vulcans arguing with each other (speaking of Trek, I saw that bat'leth reference ;) ). And the ending holds promise of another adventure with the VF and her minions.]]> Ditto Town stargazer https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/#post-302737 Re: Flash Fiction Writing Challenge - hosted by the Inn Between https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/#post-302664 Fri, 02 Mar 2018 11:52:00 +0000 Huh, the VF thought, because the young man actually did look a lot like her. The same golden eyes and reddish hair. The same pale, metallic shimmer to his skin. “I am called Breaker. The Organization took the research notes from the scientists who created you and used them to create other androids. Having failed to replicate the creation of sentient life in their first generation of androids, they adjusted their technique and tried again. I am of the second generation.” “Sure. Makes sense.” The VF nodded. “But we destroyed the Organization.” “Irrelevant, I am sorry to say. My primary objective has not been changed.” The VF was getting a bad feeling about this. “Primary objective?” “To find you.” Breaker drew a very large handgun from the back waistband of his pants and pointed it at her. “And deactivate you.” Oh, crap. The VF dove out of the way as an energy blast shot from Breaker’s gun. The front gate of her compound exploded in a rain of splinters. “You little punk,” she growled from the ground. “That’ll take me days to rebuild.” The gun in his hand whined softly, the pitch gradually increasing as it powered up for another shot. “I am sorry, Grandmother.” She huffed a laugh as she got to her feet. “Are you now? I don’t think so. But you will be.” How irritating. Some Org leftover comes to assassinate her, and here she left her bat’leth back in the house. The VF charged at him, crossing the yards between them in a blink. She heard the gun click once, but nothing came out. Before Breaker could try again, the VF struck his arm, sending the gun flying off into the bushes. He was a little bigger than her and at least as strong, but she was faster. As soon as she’d knocked his gun away, she spun behind him and got her arm around his neck. Headlocks in and of themselves weren’t particularly useful on androids, since they had neither a pulse nor a need to breathe. But it made a pretty good way to get a grip on them. He reached back for her, but she dodged his hands and thrust her hip into his, using her body as a lever to take him off his feet. He flew about five yards and crashed onto the dirt road, but he was up again in a second. He cocked his head. “What are you doing?” “Not letting you kill me?” In her surprise, it came out as a question. “But your deactivation is necessary. Why do you fight me?” “Necessary why?” “Because the Organization instructs it.” “Instructed. It’s gone, remember?” “Irrelevant. You are Organization property. It is the Organization’s right to deactivate you.” “Setting aside all of the heck no of that statement, your logic is flawed. It can’t own anything or have any rights if it doesn’t exist.” Breaker cocked his head the other way. “But my programming has no contingency for the non-existence of the Organization.” “Fancy that. Guess you’ll just have to use your brain.” The slight annoyance was back. “I do not have a brain. I have a neural network. You know that.” “It’s a figure of speech. Look, kid, do you want to kill me?” “You are not alive. You cannot be killed.” “Do you want to deactivate me?” “No, but that does not matter.” She ignored the last part of his statement and focused on the first. “Why don’t you want to?” “You are . . . known . . . among us,” he said as if piecing his thoughts together as he spoke. “My brothers and sisters. By . . . reputation. I would not deactivate you. I would . . . know you.” “Then stop fighting me.” “I cannot. It has been decided.” The VF let out a frustrated breath. This was getting nowhere. But as long as he was talking, he wasn’t trying to kill her. “Tell me about your brothers and sisters. How many are there? Where are they?” “There are five,” he said, which wasn’t very specific. Five each? Five total? Five counting him? “Many are not functioning at optimum performance. I was the only one able to . . .” His attention, which had begun to wander, snapped into focus. “They are waiting for me. I must deactivate you, then return for further instruction.” “There isn’t anyone to give you instructions anymore!” Breaker took a step toward her. The VF braced herself. A loud blast sounded behind her, accompanied by a bright flash, and a three-inch hole appeared in Breaker’s chest. He fell onto the road with a clattering thump. The VF walked over to Breaker’s stiff form. His eyes were open and empty, the hole in his chest sparking angrily. She went to the gap in the wall where her gate used to be and clapped Hugh the Thug on the shoulder. He gave a little smile and readjusted his grip on the bazooka. “Good work. Now go wake the nerd vamps. I’ve got a repair and reprogram job for them. And then some of us might be going on a little retrieval mission.”]]> Ditto Town Shawna https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/#post-302664 Re: Flash Fiction Writing Challenge - hosted by the Inn Between https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/#post-302660 Fri, 02 Mar 2018 10:03:18 +0000 Ditto Town Shawna https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/#post-302660 Re: Flash Fiction Writing Challenge - hosted by the Inn Between https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/#post-302653 Thu, 01 Mar 2018 22:59:38 +0000 soft! *nuzzles towels * Aww, nerd, you make me blush. Sorry about the shorthand, Aravanna. I've been researching IVF lately, so it sort of just popped out. :ymblushing: I also originally didn't intend for it to be a sinister story, but when it got to the point where he expresses his theory to her (in my first draft), I looked down at my word count and was astounded to see that I was closing in on 2k...so I changed the ending and went after the rest of it with the clippers (Janine featured much more prominently in the first half of the first draft). That said, I really do like writing creepy stories. They're just fun. I don't think Jessica was monstrous, but it does seem to hint that there was something else going on...maybe mother and daughter had been arguing over a bit more than just her beau? It certainly raises questions, but as you noted with subplots, there only was so much space, and the main plot does need to take precedence. Pity, though, because I would love to know why she decided to play her cards that way.]]> Ditto Town Lady Arwen https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/#post-302653 Re: Flash Fiction Writing Challenge - hosted by the Inn Between https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/#post-302646 Thu, 01 Mar 2018 12:31:42 +0000 Ditto Town Boo Kay Bucket https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/#post-302646 Re: Flash Fiction Writing Challenge - hosted by the Inn Between https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/#post-302589 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 19:49:19 +0000 narnianerd I love the "voice" of your characters. I didn't actually catch what that note actually was until half-way through! I thought that was a really nice twist. (I also laughed at the line about the socks.) That being said, our young tourist seems really surprised at being attacked for having just said something as outlandish as "I'm your grandson" to someone who was almost his age. ;) Either way, it was a nice, self contained story. Lady Arwen you get points for having the most sinister story. That was okay though, the rest of us went with pretty happy endings. I also did not see the twist coming even through its obvious looking at it again. And you guys are all making me look things up, with your ICEs and your IVFs and your tempus fugits. ;) Guess I'm learning things whether I want to or not. Also, it occurred to me afterwards just how cruel Jessica was in my story, but I didn't want to add more subplots to a story that was supposed to be short and simple. My characters were supposed to be flawed though, just not monstrous. Error on the part of the writer there. 'gazer since I haven't been around Ditto Town in ages, I don't feel like I know these characters like everyone else does, but I like the fact that the grandson's visit sparked Dan's interest in creating time travel. I also like the mysterious nature of the time travel, and I always like how familial and intimate all your writing is. You do families well! aileth I like how bitter-sweet your story was, and I liked how you approached the prompt by giving us an interesting character interaction... even through the young man's assumption was wrong. The setting was nicely fleshed out too. I did enjoy everyone's various and creative entries and I'm looking forward to the next prompt. This was fun!]]> Ditto Town Aravanna https://community.narniaweb.com/community/ditto-town/flash-fiction-writing-challenge-hosted-by-the-inn-between/#post-302589